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Sunday, May 29, 2011 |
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| Also, allow yourself to fail. |
There is one other aspect of this funny/lovely/twisted life that I have come to regard as highly (or nearly so) as heartbreak: That would be failure. Or at least, the possibility of it.
Let me explain.
Lately, I've found it's easy to toss aside the dreams you have for yourself when you feel unsure (which, let's face it, is at some point almost inevitable). What's especially tricky is that dreams by their very definition are a little beyond logic or grander than real life. Until you make them real, that is. And I guess the tipping point is if the load becomes too much to bear - you feel unsure, you feel like you're going to mess up, or you're not even sure if what you want is what you really want.
Still, I believe in the face of all that, you have a reason to keep going. There's a tiny shred of something - a memory, a desire, a hope - about the size of a piece of fuzz from a dandelion ready to be blown away for a wish. So small. But if you catch it, you can fly with it... and suddenly it's just big enough.
And the benefits are multiple. I decided to run for a student government position at my school this year (secretary, because nobody does detailed notes like I do). It was something I wasn't sure if I even wanted to do or not, but I decided to go for it. The night I fou nd out I won the election, which I thought should have felt awesome for any normal person, I  had this sinking, oh-shoot-what-did-I-get-myself-into? feeling. But I had done it, so there was no turning back. And it turned out to be possibly the best decision I made all year. I had a great time, and the people I met, including a few who at the beginning of the year I wasn't so sure about, turned out to be amazing friends... and some even a little more (if you need a hint, see the previous article). It was exactly what I wanted - fun and friends - but it was also more. Those people and the experience brought out parts of me that had been missing for a while, parts that I hadn't realized how much I missed. They see me for Lady Gaga and glitter and quick comebacks, and I love them so much for it. Anyways, what I am saying by all of this gushing is that sometimes taking that chance (to fail, or just for things to totally suck) can be life-changing for you, in ways you never would have expected. I certainly could not have predicted all that would come out of a decision to do something I was wishy-washy about to begin with. It's become kind of a guiding principle for me. If I'm not sure about something, as long as it's not, you know, harmful or destructive, I think, "Hey, why not? It could lead to something great." Or not. Either way, you learn something.
That's another benefit, something that writing has taught me. Sometimes, putting yourself out there gives you the chance to sort out what's right and what's wrong. I have had a pretty wonderful opportunity to write for a pretty wonderful magazine this year. And my articles get posted online, so of course I go check out the comments. And let me say, I am starting to understand why celebrities don't read what people write about them on blogs and whatever. Because people are not afraid to say what they think online, and even when they're not crazy-mean, negative comments can sting. But one thing I've come to understand is that no matter if it's positive or negative, feedback can help. You can take in the positive (and smile), and then take in the negative - some of it is just "whatever," and you can toss it aside. But the rest you can learn from. I was devastated once when I read that someone used the tips in my article (a captivating piece about how to use a curling iron) and reported back that they didn't work. I was upset because I realized that even though I had done the research (and lots of it, let me tell you), I couldn't say for sure if they did work, because I hadn't tested them out myself. And I felt bad, but instantly a million little things came into my mind of how I could have double-checked to give myself the back-up (called my hair stylist, checked with my beauty-savvy best friend, etc.). And I was like, "Hey, this is okay. It hurts, because I wanted it to be perfect. But now I know." So what I'm saying is, taking a chance to fail (and sometimes failing) puts you in the fortunate position of being able to learn what works and what doesn't. Making you even more amazing and knowledgeable than you were before. Which you can't achieve just by imagining. You only get there by going out and doing.
What's most important though, is this: Allowing yourself the possibility of failing, of going after that wish or dream and having it all fall through, is an investment - in whoever it is you're going to become. And, even more importantly, it's a signal of faith and an act of love directed towards who you are right now.
Allow yourself to fail. A million times over. No matter what happens, you'll be changed for the better. It's inevitable.
In the end, this is what I've come up with: I may not get what I want. I can't even say I deserve it. But I'll be damned if I don't try.
So hold on, baby. Labels: advice, challenges, dreams, fab gal, failure, self esteem, taking risks |
posted by Fab Gal @ 10:28 AM   |
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Sunday, May 15, 2011 |
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| Please let your ♥ be broken. |
There's a saying that "Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all" (Alfred, Lord Tennyson said it first). I always thought that was a dumb thing to say (especially to someone who's just suffered a love-loss, which I imagine the first person to hear it was). In my mind, it's not far from saying "Tis better to have gambled your money away in Vegas than never to have gone on vacation at all." Well, okay. I guess. If you say so.
But having recently been on the losing side of "All's fair in love and war" (another don't-even-get-me-started phrase), I can see how maybe 'tis better. Not so much that the good times are worth the pain. It's hard, at least sitting in-the-moment with sadness, to feel like they were. But - I don't know. Somehow the world, your world, is a little different after. Shaken, and that's a good thing.
For one, there's a certain amount of energy and emotion, leftover post-love, which has to be channeled somewhere. Of course, it can be used destructively. Definitely. Many people seem to chide the Ben & Jerry's break-up cure. Surely it's not enough, but I don't actually think it's that bad. Eventually you'll be hungry for something more, maybe something beautiful (Where would we be if Drew had not walked right on by Taylor Swift? Sorely living in a world without "Teardrops on My Guitar"). You can run, you can paint - I write. It can even be something a little more surface-level - cleaning your room, going makeover-crazy. It's not everything, but it's something. Your world becomes a little shiny and new.
Also, cheesy as it sounds, falling in love can remind you of the possibilities and potential that life holds, sometimes when you don't see it coming. And sure, nobody wants to be the girl who completely depends on others to be okay with herself, but I think love can bring into focus why you love yourself. "I love you for the part of me that you bring out." Roy Croft said that. I, for one, am a sassy little firework. I remember that now. And that's something I don't ever have to give back.
That's not to say that heartbreak is all-powerful, or it leaves you perfect and indestructible. At least form where I stand now, I'm more aware of the weaknesses I have. Like, There you go, chicky, wanting the wrong things at the wrong time. Or is it the right things at the wrong time? A little obsessive, a little unstable, unpractical and too emotional. And maybe definitely still hurting, long past what I'm comfortable with.
But no matter how big the pain, how obvious your flaws - well, there you have it. You're here, you survived. You're okay.
Heartbreak looks good on you, honey.Labels: boys, fab gal, heartbreak, love, relationships, self esteem |
| posted by Fab Gal @ 10:49 AM |
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