The Fab Gal

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Labels: advice, Ask FG, body image, confidence, fab gal, friends, girls, teens

Happy Valentine’s Day, Fab Gals!

Oh, V-Day. It’s funny how a day all about sugar can inspire so much bitterness. I’ve heard people joke that they only recognize “Singles’ Awareness Day” or “Sad and Alone Day.” Of course they’re just kidding – but then you don’t hear anyone teasing Thanksgiving! There are also people who seem to really hate the holiday. They say it’s too commercialized, puts too much pressure on people in relationships, or that we should celebrate love every day, not 1 in 365.

I’ve never been one of those people. I couldn’t possibly hate a day reserved for all of my favorite things: glitter, pink, roses, chocolate, and heart-shaped anything. And I don’t believe there’s anything wrong with making a day to celebrate love – in all its forms – a little louder than usual.

At least that’s how I usually feel. But this year… truthfully, I’ve been feeling like Sad-and-Alone, party of one.

I can remember being a little girl in Barbie PJs, dreaming about the day Prince Charming would come (I pictured him as B, the 5-year-old Romeo in my kindergarten class). Then, a few years later, I couldn’t wait to be old enough to have a BF and go to prom (as close as it gets to Cinderella dreams, right?).

That was all cute enough. But now… the feeling doesn't seem so adorable. I hate to even admit it, because it always seems like strong, confident girls aren’t supposed to care if they’re single. But I do.

Anyways, I imagined I could spend V-Day night curled up in bed, drowning my singleness in truffles, tears, and chick flicks. But the reality is, solo or no, I’m really, really lucky. I have so many Fab Guys in my life – my dad, my brother, my BGFs – who care for me, whom I have fun with, and most importantly, who let me be me. Ultimately, those are the qualities I want in a boyfriend. Someday. For now… I’ll just enjoy my time as one of the guys.

But that’s just my story. Wherever V-Day brings you, my chocolate-covered wish is that every day you get to do what you love, be who you love… and celebrate with the ones you love.

xoxo

The Fab Gal

Labels: advice, boys, confidence, dating, fab gal, girls, relationships, teens

Labels: advice, boys, dating, fab gal, girls, movies, moving on, relationships, teens

Happy New Year, Fab Gals!

2012 is still brand new, so it’s that time when everyone is hopeful – making resolutions and looking forward to the possibilities of the New Year. It’s also that time for me (and maybe you!) when graduation is just a few months away. Sure, graduation is an ending, and reflecting about all that’s changed since you stepped through those school doors for the first time. But even more, graduation is about making big decisions for the future. What do you want to do with your life? Where will you go to college? Or maybe, who do you wanna be when you step into the halls of middle school? The questions and uncertainty are enough to make the future seem a little frightening.

When the future seems frightening, it’s easy to just push it away, focus on the now, ignore the what-ifs, and play it safe. That's what I've been doing, anyway. But of course, that’s not really dealing. No matter what you do (or don’t do) the future is always coming, one minute at a time. Thankfully for me, I have someone who always puts things in perspective. My dad reminded me that what matters most is thinking not just about the right now, but where you want to be in the future – whether that’s 1 year, 4 years, or 10 years. Because c’mon, you have big dreams, right? But the only way to get there is by pulling them out of the clouds and starting to work towards them right now, not some day in the future once this or that happens. I don’t want you or me to sell ourselves and our Fab-ness short by squishing down life into what fits in the present.

So I’m starting to make goals for the new year… including a few I hope to share with you. But what are your hopes, FG? How are you moving forward in 2012? Share in the comments below… and know I’m cheering you on every step of the way.

xoxo

The Fab Gal

Cruising ahead in 2012 ;)

Labels: 2012, advice, fab gal, future, girls, goals, new year, self esteem, teens

Labels: advice, fab gal, girls, imperfect, love is louder than the pressure to be perfect, self esteem, teens

Labels: advice, fab gal, flaws, girls, perfection, self esteem, teens

I guess lately I have been thinking a lot about the less comfortable aspects of life that you must brave through in order to live your fullest, best life. One of those is speaking up when something is bothering you.

I am at a point in my life where I'm trying to learn how to make my own decisions and be independent. I've gotten a lot better at it. I'm having a lot of fun with it, too (my belly button has never been more glam-ified). I still get stuck sometimes, though. And it reminds me that sometimes when you've found yourself in a hole, it's time to stop digging and speak up before you can't be heard anymore.

I've been panicked beyond panicked about what I'm going to do next year after I graduate. I have some direction, and one idea in particular. But I've been really shaken up about it, and I finally realized how much it was affecting me below the surface. And I hadn't said anything to anyone about how I was feeling because it seemed better off to not acknowledge it and make it real. Less painful, anyway. I didn't want to talk, and then find out the things that I thought were true were really true - that there was absolutely no good solution. But once I realized how much I was struggling, I decided it couldn't hurt - it had to come out eventually, right? So I jumped in and told my dad about it. There were tears, definitely, and uncomfortable moments of silence for me where I just wanted to run. But it was a huge relief. Like maybe everything really will be okay. I'll be okay. My future will be bright. And I have help.

So many girls that I get to chat with online at work (which I seem to be able to brag about forever, but I will hold back for now) write in to us with big problems, or even if not "big," at least important ones that really would be best discussed with someone who knows them, face-to-face. A lot of the girls seem to understand that's what they "should" do, but often they have reasons why they feel like they can't. And that's understandable. I know people find themselves in lives I can't even imagine, where they really don't at the moment have anyone they can trust. But for the most part, I think it's just that the idea of talking about something uncomfortable or embarrassing seems too difficult, especially if it's not something you usually do. But it can be so worth it.

If I could go back in time and change one thing about my life, I would have spoken up sooner. There was a period of time in 7th grade when I was really struggling with my body, and just felt really insecure and shy. I do wonder now how my life would be different if I had reached out for help. But it's nobody's fault. I don't even really blame myself. I was clueless to the fact that how I was feeling wasn't normal or deserved, that I could be happier. And honestly, if everything that happened makes me who I am now, and gives me the chance to stop others from getting stuck in the same problems, then it was all worth it. I'll speak up, now and forever.

And I think those two words - speak up - can make so many situations better. If you see a friend slipping into a bad sitch, say something. She might be mad, but it's better than just letting her go on that way. And speaking up is monumentally important in dating relationships. Even when you like someone and feel so in sync with them, it's not always so easy to take on their perspective. And they might not see things the way you do, either. My BFF pointed out to me that when you have "silences" in a relationship - where you are not talking about a problem - it's easy to fill in the silences with what you think they are thinking or feeling, and totally over-analyze. So say something. There's actually a very good chance that you will clear things up and see there wasn't much of a problem at all. Don't be afraid to speak up even if it's not a problem per se, just something you want or need (like, you want your bf to hold your hand, or you want more one-on-one time with your BFF). Sure, you can't always get what you want, but you deserve to be heard.

You're ultimately responsible for yourself, but sometimes that means knowing when to ask for help. And besides, your friends and family are the most important people in your life, they want to help, and they deserve to get to know and love the real you. So speak up. Now's the time.

[Photo: Taylor Swift fan? Nobody knows how to "Speak Now" like the country chica.]

Labels: advice, difficult conversations, fab gal, relationships, self esteem, Speak Now, talk

"The way I see it, if you want the sunshine you gotta put up with the rain. - Dolly Parton

There's a time to hide out for shelter, and there's a time to buckle up and keep moving forward. I was going all philosophical on this idea, on life as I was driving home from movie night at my best friend's house and got caught in a rainstorm. When I'd left, the sky had been calm and clear, but all of the sudden I was on a highway I barely recognized anymore because of the sudden downpour (and I'm not exaggerating - my windshield wipers were about to give up and flee to the desert). I thought momentarily of pulling over, but that didn't seem like a much more appealing (or even safe) option. I decided if I just kept driving, slowly and cautiously, soon enough I would be exactly where I wanted to be - in bed, headphones in, listening to Selena Gomez and quickly falling asleep. And in that moment I realized that's just how it is with everything in life - sometimes you find yourself in a storm, even if things looked so clear to begin with, and it's easy to be overwhelmed. But it won't last forever.

I guess people have probably used that comparison for ages, that bad times in life are like a storm. But what I only just realized is that even journeys to places you want to go, or ones that start out beautiful, can involve times of trouble. And I love storms.

My mom said something similar to me once - I thought it was important so I wrote it down, and recently thought of it again. She said that sometimes you have to struggle through the hard parts of life or do things you don't like because it allows you to get to where you want to be or do what you want to do later. She was referring to law school, her own personal storm. I imagine it's the same way for other things - breaking bad habits, training for a marathon, or overcoming self-doubt to take on a new challenge, whether it's writing a novel or just talking to a boy you like.

Perseverance, or being able to keep going in spite of challenges and obstacles, is what it's all about. Being able to pause, take a deep breath, and keep going. There are two other Ps that I think are also important - patience and perspective. Patience is a virtue, or so I've heard, but it's one that I am only beginning to acquire. I don't mean patience in the annoying "Be patient, wait your turn" kind of way you know it when you're little, although it's kind of like that. I looked it up in the dictionary, to make sure I actually knew what I was talking about, and it described patience as "an ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay." I think that's perfect. Instead of flipping out or throwing your cards in or whatever you want to call it, you hold on. Really, it all comes back to having faith - in life in general, but especially in yourself. You sometimes just have to wait.

Then there's perspective. This is where, when things get difficult, you make sure you're actually seeing them clearly. I used to chide myself for walking around like there was some dark cloud over my head. But maybe I was just looking at it from the wrong direction. I do live under a storm cloud. But I'm the lightning. I have the power - it's limited, it won't last forever, and it can certainly be destructive. But it's mine. And I get to do what I want with it.

If you think you know where you're going, you can still move forward, and maybe you'll make it where you were headed all along. The drive just had more adventure than you planned.

"I am not afraid of storms for I am learning to sail my ship." - Louisa May Alcott

Labels: advice, challenges, fab gal, overcoming obstacles, self esteem

And the benefits are multiple. I decided to run for a student government position at my school this year (secretary, because nobody does detailed notes like I do). It was something I wasn't sure if I even wanted to do or not, but I decided to go for it. The night I found out I won the election, which I thought should have felt awesome for any normal person, I had this sinking, oh-shoot-what-did-I-get-myself-into? feeling. But I had done it, so there was no turning back. And it turned out to be possibly the best decision I made all year. I had a great time, and the people I met, including a few who at the beginning of the year I wasn't so sure about, turned out to be amazing friends... and some even a little more (if you need a hint, see the previous article). It was exactly what I wanted - fun and friends - but it was also more. Those people and the experience brought out parts of me that had been missing for a while, parts that I hadn't realized how much I missed. They see me for Lady Gaga and glitter and quick comebacks, and I love them so much for it. Anyways, what I am saying by all of this gushing is that sometimes taking that chance (to fail, or just for things to totally suck) can be life-changing for you, in ways you never would have expected. I certainly could not have predicted all that would come out of a decision to do something I was wishy-washy about to begin with. It's become kind of a guiding principle for me. If I'm not sure about something, as long as it's not, you know, harmful or destructive, I think, "Hey, why not? It could lead to something great." Or not. Either way, you learn something.

Labels: advice, challenges, dreams, fab gal, failure, self esteem, taking risks

Labels: advice, fab gal, girls, life lessons, problem solving, self esteem, teens

Labels: advice, confidence, courage, dreams, fab gal, girls, life lessons, quotes, self esteem, taking risks, teens

Labels: advice, Atoosa Rubenstein, books, confidence, fab gal, GirlWise, Julia DeVillers, self esteem, women in history

Labels: advice, Atoosa Rubenstein, books, compliments, confidence, fab gal, GirlWise, Julia DeVillers, self esteem

Labels: advice, Atoosa Rubenstein, books, confidence, fab gal, friends, GirlWise, Julia DeVillers, self esteem

Labels: advice, Atoosa Rubenstein, books, confidence, fab gal, GirlWise, Julia DeVillers, self esteem

Labels: advice, Atoosa Rubenstein, books, confidence, fab gal, GirlWise, Julia DeVillers, self esteem

Labels: advice, Beinggirl, fab gal, FG Approved, girls, Girls Life, Jessica Weiner, resources, teens

• Find The One. No, I'm not talking about searching for Mr. Right (although that certainly would help, wouldn't it?). I'm talking about the one person you can come to when you're facing a challenge or just feeling down. It can be anybody you trust - a sister, parent, teacher, BFF or school counselor. But having even just one person that you can turn to when you're feeling down can make a big difference.
• Do something... When it feels like everything in your day has gone wrong, it's like the only thing you want to do is slide into bed and hide under the covers. But doing something active that you enjoy - be that jogging, baking, sewing, or even going for a walk around the mall - keeps your body and mind occupied. Also, talking on a small challenge, like cleaning up your room or working on a project, reminds you that you really can do anything.
• ...then do nothing. When you're feeling down, you really need a little pick-me-up. Find something that you love to do - reading magazines, listening to music, writing in your journal, taking a bubble bath - and do it. No questions asked.
• Remember the positives... This one is the hardest for me (but probably also the most important). Bad days often end up feeling way worse when we spend time thinking about things that went wrong, like a fight with a friend. But even if everything went completely wrong that day, there are other positives - things you are grateful for, challenges you've overcome in the past, and things you're looking forward to. Try to take a minute to delight in those things.
• ...and that you're not alone. Thankfully, there are many happy and successful Fab Gals out there that have lived through a bad day (or week or month) and come through, maybe even stronger than before. And for any one person who's brought you down in a day, there really are many more who want the best for you. Including your fellow FGs. So hang in there, baby.

xoxo

The Fab Gal

Labels: advice, bad day, emotions, fab gal, girls, problem solving, stress, teens

• You shouldn't be afraid to be you... even if that means turning heads. Sure, I didn't understand her fashion choices at first. Okay, maybe I still don't. But what I do understand is this - she wears what she wants because it makes her happy. She could tone it down to get more fans (and a few less stares), but she knows that fashion is her choice, and she doesn't have to change for anybody.
• Even if you don't feel so great now, things will change. Before she was the fearless star she is now, Lady Gaga had her share of struggles. In high school, she wasn't so confident in her looks, and she got teased a lot by the other girls in her school. Crazy, right? Now, she's got a mega-successful album, magazine covers, and loads of fans that look up to her and love her music. Things were not always perfect for her, but she worked through it and used her negative experiences to achieve her dreams.
• Using your powers for good is the ultimate confidence booster. Now that she's on top of the music industry and making headlines, Lady Gaga uses that fame to bring attention to causes that matter to her. She's used her quirky fashion sense and beauty know-how to design a lipstick and raise awareness on HIV and AIDS through the M.A.C. Viva Glam campaign. And now that she's comfortable in her own skin, she wants to share that with others. "When I say to you, there is nobody like me and there never was, that is a statement I want every woman to feel and make about themselves."

So even if you never wear a bubble dress or add "Poker Face" to your playlist, you can take this away from Lady Gaga: No matter what anyone says, being you is powerful. Don't turn that down for anyone.

xoxo

The Fab Gal

Labels: advice, celebrities, confidence, fab gal, Lady Gaga