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Sunday, May 29, 2011 |
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| Also, allow yourself to fail. |
There is one other aspect of this funny/lovely/twisted life that I have come to regard as highly (or nearly so) as heartbreak: That would be failure. Or at least, the possibility of it.
Let me explain.
Lately, I've found it's easy to toss aside the dreams you have for yourself when you feel unsure (which, let's face it, is at some point almost inevitable). What's especially tricky is that dreams by their very definition are a little beyond logic or grander than real life. Until you make them real, that is. And I guess the tipping point is if the load becomes too much to bear - you feel unsure, you feel like you're going to mess up, or you're not even sure if what you want is what you really want.
Still, I believe in the face of all that, you have a reason to keep going. There's a tiny shred of something - a memory, a desire, a hope - about the size of a piece of fuzz from a dandelion ready to be blown away for a wish. So small. But if you catch it, you can fly with it... and suddenly it's just big enough.
And the benefits are multiple. I decided to run for a student government position at my school this year (secretary, because nobody does detailed notes like I do). It was something I wasn't sure if I even wanted to do or not, but I decided to go for it. The night I fou nd out I won the election, which I thought should have felt awesome for any normal person, I  had this sinking, oh-shoot-what-did-I-get-myself-into? feeling. But I had done it, so there was no turning back. And it turned out to be possibly the best decision I made all year. I had a great time, and the people I met, including a few who at the beginning of the year I wasn't so sure about, turned out to be amazing friends... and some even a little more (if you need a hint, see the previous article). It was exactly what I wanted - fun and friends - but it was also more. Those people and the experience brought out parts of me that had been missing for a while, parts that I hadn't realized how much I missed. They see me for Lady Gaga and glitter and quick comebacks, and I love them so much for it. Anyways, what I am saying by all of this gushing is that sometimes taking that chance (to fail, or just for things to totally suck) can be life-changing for you, in ways you never would have expected. I certainly could not have predicted all that would come out of a decision to do something I was wishy-washy about to begin with. It's become kind of a guiding principle for me. If I'm not sure about something, as long as it's not, you know, harmful or destructive, I think, "Hey, why not? It could lead to something great." Or not. Either way, you learn something.
That's another benefit, something that writing has taught me. Sometimes, putting yourself out there gives you the chance to sort out what's right and what's wrong. I have had a pretty wonderful opportunity to write for a pretty wonderful magazine this year. And my articles get posted online, so of course I go check out the comments. And let me say, I am starting to understand why celebrities don't read what people write about them on blogs and whatever. Because people are not afraid to say what they think online, and even when they're not crazy-mean, negative comments can sting. But one thing I've come to understand is that no matter if it's positive or negative, feedback can help. You can take in the positive (and smile), and then take in the negative - some of it is just "whatever," and you can toss it aside. But the rest you can learn from. I was devastated once when I read that someone used the tips in my article (a captivating piece about how to use a curling iron) and reported back that they didn't work. I was upset because I realized that even though I had done the research (and lots of it, let me tell you), I couldn't say for sure if they did work, because I hadn't tested them out myself. And I felt bad, but instantly a million little things came into my mind of how I could have double-checked to give myself the back-up (called my hair stylist, checked with my beauty-savvy best friend, etc.). And I was like, "Hey, this is okay. It hurts, because I wanted it to be perfect. But now I know." So what I'm saying is, taking a chance to fail (and sometimes failing) puts you in the fortunate position of being able to learn what works and what doesn't. Making you even more amazing and knowledgeable than you were before. Which you can't achieve just by imagining. You only get there by going out and doing.
What's most important though, is this: Allowing yourself the possibility of failing, of going after that wish or dream and having it all fall through, is an investment - in whoever it is you're going to become. And, even more importantly, it's a signal of faith and an act of love directed towards who you are right now.
Allow yourself to fail. A million times over. No matter what happens, you'll be changed for the better. It's inevitable.
In the end, this is what I've come up with: I may not get what I want. I can't even say I deserve it. But I'll be damned if I don't try.
So hold on, baby. Labels: advice, challenges, dreams, fab gal, failure, self esteem, taking risks |
posted by Fab Gal @ 10:28 AM   |
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Tuesday, June 15, 2010 |
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| Be Daring, Be Fabulous |
"You'll never do a whole lot unless you're brave enough to try." - Dolly Parton
"Fear can hold you back from so many wonderful things in life, so I make myself go for things I'm afraid of. Worry afterward!" - Leann Rimes
"There is something liberating about not pretending. Dare to embarrass yourself. Risk." - Drew Barrymore
Hello Fab Gals!
Recently, I was reading over some of my fave quotes. I started to notice a pattern - so many of the women I admire talk about the importance of having courage. At first, you could say it's just because they're famous. I mean, you have to have some guts to lead a life in the public eye, right? But I think there's something more there - something that's important for any FG.
Courage is more than just being a daredevil or having no fears. Having courage is one of the key ingredients to having confidence in yourself. It's not about being completely fearless - it's knowing that some challenges are worth pushing past that sometimes uncomfortable, scary, oh-my-gosh-can-I-handle-this? feeling. It's the faith that you know what the right challenges are for you, that you are worth putting in the extra effort, and that you can handle the situation. And like confidence, courage is more than just a belief - it's an action. Sometimes a bold move is just what you need to feel Fab.
So how do you even begin? There are often challenges in our hearts we've secretly (or not-so-secretly) been dreaming about - trying out for the school musical, talking to our crush, or even starting our own business or writing a book. Sometimes, these can be the hardest, because it feels like we have so much to lose, or would be too disappointed to deal if we failed. But there are other ways to practice that can seem a little less threatening. Riding a roller coaster, wearing a daring new outfit, trying a new hobby, or taking another small risk that's less related to your dreams can give you a boost (and summer is the perfect time for such adventures!). And hey, sometimes courage means baby steps, or asking for advice to get you going on what you really want to do. The important thing is to find the challenge and go for it - and let yourself enjoy the rush and the strength that comes with breaking out of your comfort zone.
xoxo
The Fab Gal
"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I lived through this horror, I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do." - Eleanor Roosevelt
P.S. - If you need some ideas for FG-approved risks to try, check out this Fab Gal Top 10.Labels: advice, confidence, courage, dreams, fab gal, girls, life lessons, quotes, self esteem, taking risks, teens |
| posted by Fab Gal @ 2:57 PM |
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Saturday, July 19, 2008 |
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| Fab Gal Top 10: Risks |
Hey Fab Gals!
So this week we talked about taking the good kind of risks. It can be a little scary, but if it's definitely worth it. If you don't know where to start, here is my Top 10 for new things to try:
1. Try a New Activity - Is there something you've wanted to try but have been too afraid to? That's what cheerleading was for me. It could be anything - karate, drama club, student council. You never know where the experience will bring you.
2. Wear Something Crazy - I used to feel funny about wearing dresses, even though I liked them. I just felt like they drew attention. But as long as it's appropriate, that's a good thing! Trying something a little out of the ordinary will help you develop your own style.
3. Branch Out - It's true - your girls are pretty awesome. But there's nothing wrong with expanding your circle, right? Talk to that new girl in class or invite a new teammate to go shopping. You might be surprised what you have in common.
4. Ask Out the Boy - This is probably the scariest of the scary, I know. But really, it's not that big of a deal. I mean, boys do it all the time. It can be really casual - you can even just invite him to hang out with your friends. Who knows? He could be too shy himself.
5. Get Help - It can be really hard for some. But there is absolutely nothing wrong with asking for it, every once in a while. You can't expect yourself to do everything all the time.
6. Break Your Routine - You do things the way you do because you like them. Still, it can be good to mix it up every once in a while. So maybe try that new restaurant that you've been curious about instead of the usual, or switch up your order at Starbucks. You might be surprised.
7. Spend Time with Family - Okay, so this doesn't sound too risky. Think for a minute, though, about that cousin or grandparent that you think you have nothing in common with, and make an effort to spend time getting to know them. You may be able to teach each other something new.
8. Take Center Stage - Fear of public speaking is probably the biggest of them all, but it's pretty silly if you think about it. You really can't die of stage fright. So give it a try, by trying out for the play or even joining the chorus.
9. Journal It - I used to hate journaling, because I didn't like facing my thoughts and putting them on paper. I know a lot of people feel this way. Once you get used to it, though, you'll find it can actually be a really great tool.
10. Face a Silly Fear - Is there something small you're afraid of, for no real reason? For some, it's spiders or rollercoasters. It might be good to take one of those fears, even if they're not a big deal, and face it. If you can do that, you can face any fear.
There you go, Fab Gals! Let me know what kind of good risks you've taken, either by comment or at The Fab Gal Myspace.
xoxo
The Fab GalLabels: fab gal, fears, taking risks, top 10 |
| posted by Fab Gal @ 8:36 AM |
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Wednesday, July 16, 2008 |
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| Just Do It, Please |
Hello Fab Gals!
It's so easy in life to just stick with what you know, and never step out of your comfort zone. I mean, if things are just fine as is, why change it up? Because you'll never grow if you never take risks. I feel like I'm always creating my own trouble, but it's a good thing, because I'm constantly learning and growing. If there's one thing I've learned over the last few years, it's that you'll never get anywhere by staying in place.
Of course, the thing with risks is this - there's a chance that things won't work out. I was always thought of as really shy, so when I wanted to try out for the cheer squad, people didn't take it seriously. When tryouts came, I stepped out of my element, went for it... and didn't make the squad. Last year, the school dance was fast approaching, and I was still 100% dateless. So I thought, why not go get one myself? I was so nervous when I dialed the number, of N, one of my guy friends, but I maintained a casual and cool tone... and he turned me down.
You might be thinking, Okay this girl is either a total blonde or really crazy if she hasn't figured it out yet. Both of those are at least a little true. But the amazing thing is this - good things came out of both situations. I didn't make the team on my first try, but I worked my booty off and made the squad the next year. Now I know I can do basically anything with a little hard work. I was dateless for the dance, but N had a lot of respect for me, and know I now what it's like to be in the boy's position.
It can be really hard to break out of your box, but it is so, so worth it. If I didn't learn to take risks, I wouldn't be talking to you today! So Fab Gals, is there a place in your life where you can take a good risk? How would you feel if you tried something new? Pretty Fab, I bet.
xoxo
The Fab GalLabels: comfort zone, fab gal, self-confidence, taking risks |
| posted by Fab Gal @ 8:11 AM |
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