| |
| |
Sunday, May 29, 2011 |
|
 |
|
 |
| |
| Also, allow yourself to fail. |
There is one other aspect of this funny/lovely/twisted life that I have come to regard as highly (or nearly so) as heartbreak: That would be failure. Or at least, the possibility of it.
Let me explain.
Lately, I've found it's easy to toss aside the dreams you have for yourself when you feel unsure (which, let's face it, is at some point almost inevitable). What's especially tricky is that dreams by their very definition are a little beyond logic or grander than real life. Until you make them real, that is. And I guess the tipping point is if the load becomes too much to bear - you feel unsure, you feel like you're going to mess up, or you're not even sure if what you want is what you really want.
Still, I believe in the face of all that, you have a reason to keep going. There's a tiny shred of something - a memory, a desire, a hope - about the size of a piece of fuzz from a dandelion ready to be blown away for a wish. So small. But if you catch it, you can fly with it... and suddenly it's just big enough.
And the benefits are multiple. I decided to run for a student government position at my school this year (secretary, because nobody does detailed notes like I do). It was something I wasn't sure if I even wanted to do or not, but I decided to go for it. The night I fou nd out I won the election, which I thought should have felt awesome for any normal person, I  had this sinking, oh-shoot-what-did-I-get-myself-into? feeling. But I had done it, so there was no turning back. And it turned out to be possibly the best decision I made all year. I had a great time, and the people I met, including a few who at the beginning of the year I wasn't so sure about, turned out to be amazing friends... and some even a little more (if you need a hint, see the previous article). It was exactly what I wanted - fun and friends - but it was also more. Those people and the experience brought out parts of me that had been missing for a while, parts that I hadn't realized how much I missed. They see me for Lady Gaga and glitter and quick comebacks, and I love them so much for it. Anyways, what I am saying by all of this gushing is that sometimes taking that chance (to fail, or just for things to totally suck) can be life-changing for you, in ways you never would have expected. I certainly could not have predicted all that would come out of a decision to do something I was wishy-washy about to begin with. It's become kind of a guiding principle for me. If I'm not sure about something, as long as it's not, you know, harmful or destructive, I think, "Hey, why not? It could lead to something great." Or not. Either way, you learn something.
That's another benefit, something that writing has taught me. Sometimes, putting yourself out there gives you the chance to sort out what's right and what's wrong. I have had a pretty wonderful opportunity to write for a pretty wonderful magazine this year. And my articles get posted online, so of course I go check out the comments. And let me say, I am starting to understand why celebrities don't read what people write about them on blogs and whatever. Because people are not afraid to say what they think online, and even when they're not crazy-mean, negative comments can sting. But one thing I've come to understand is that no matter if it's positive or negative, feedback can help. You can take in the positive (and smile), and then take in the negative - some of it is just "whatever," and you can toss it aside. But the rest you can learn from. I was devastated once when I read that someone used the tips in my article (a captivating piece about how to use a curling iron) and reported back that they didn't work. I was upset because I realized that even though I had done the research (and lots of it, let me tell you), I couldn't say for sure if they did work, because I hadn't tested them out myself. And I felt bad, but instantly a million little things came into my mind of how I could have double-checked to give myself the back-up (called my hair stylist, checked with my beauty-savvy best friend, etc.). And I was like, "Hey, this is okay. It hurts, because I wanted it to be perfect. But now I know." So what I'm saying is, taking a chance to fail (and sometimes failing) puts you in the fortunate position of being able to learn what works and what doesn't. Making you even more amazing and knowledgeable than you were before. Which you can't achieve just by imagining. You only get there by going out and doing.
What's most important though, is this: Allowing yourself the possibility of failing, of going after that wish or dream and having it all fall through, is an investment - in whoever it is you're going to become. And, even more importantly, it's a signal of faith and an act of love directed towards who you are right now.
Allow yourself to fail. A million times over. No matter what happens, you'll be changed for the better. It's inevitable.
In the end, this is what I've come up with: I may not get what I want. I can't even say I deserve it. But I'll be damned if I don't try.
So hold on, baby. Labels: advice, challenges, dreams, fab gal, failure, self esteem, taking risks |
posted by Fab Gal @ 10:28 AM   |
|
|
|
|
 |
|
 |
| |
Tuesday, June 15, 2010 |
|
|
|
|
| |
| Be Daring, Be Fabulous |
"You'll never do a whole lot unless you're brave enough to try." - Dolly Parton
"Fear can hold you back from so many wonderful things in life, so I make myself go for things I'm afraid of. Worry afterward!" - Leann Rimes
"There is something liberating about not pretending. Dare to embarrass yourself. Risk." - Drew Barrymore
Hello Fab Gals!
Recently, I was reading over some of my fave quotes. I started to notice a pattern - so many of the women I admire talk about the importance of having courage. At first, you could say it's just because they're famous. I mean, you have to have some guts to lead a life in the public eye, right? But I think there's something more there - something that's important for any FG.
Courage is more than just being a daredevil or having no fears. Having courage is one of the key ingredients to having confidence in yourself. It's not about being completely fearless - it's knowing that some challenges are worth pushing past that sometimes uncomfortable, scary, oh-my-gosh-can-I-handle-this? feeling. It's the faith that you know what the right challenges are for you, that you are worth putting in the extra effort, and that you can handle the situation. And like confidence, courage is more than just a belief - it's an action. Sometimes a bold move is just what you need to feel Fab.
So how do you even begin? There are often challenges in our hearts we've secretly (or not-so-secretly) been dreaming about - trying out for the school musical, talking to our crush, or even starting our own business or writing a book. Sometimes, these can be the hardest, because it feels like we have so much to lose, or would be too disappointed to deal if we failed. But there are other ways to practice that can seem a little less threatening. Riding a roller coaster, wearing a daring new outfit, trying a new hobby, or taking another small risk that's less related to your dreams can give you a boost (and summer is the perfect time for such adventures!). And hey, sometimes courage means baby steps, or asking for advice to get you going on what you really want to do. The important thing is to find the challenge and go for it - and let yourself enjoy the rush and the strength that comes with breaking out of your comfort zone.
xoxo
The Fab Gal
"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I lived through this horror, I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do." - Eleanor Roosevelt
P.S. - If you need some ideas for FG-approved risks to try, check out this Fab Gal Top 10.Labels: advice, confidence, courage, dreams, fab gal, girls, life lessons, quotes, self esteem, taking risks, teens |
| posted by Fab Gal @ 2:57 PM |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
Friday, March 20, 2009 |
|
|
|
|
| |
| Ain't About What's Waitin' on the Other Side |
Hey FGs!
Okay, so I had this weird dream last week. Twice. It was one of those really freaky-deaky ones: I was at school, walking with a group of people, and all of a sudden my legs started to feel really heavy, and I could barely walk. I started falling behind, till I literally fell to the ground, crawling to keep up with everyone. Then I woke up.
And it really bugged me that I had this dream not once, but two times. It kinda haunted me. I mean, logically, it's not a big deal. My legs are working fine. But I knew that wasn't really what it was about. Lately, I've been scared that things really are falling apart. And I was scared that somehow, in some way, my dream would come true.
That stuck with me until I realized I was forgetting one important detail: when my legs stopped working, I kept trying to move forward. Even after I was crawling on the ground. Even when I thought I was being left behind. Of course, I know that my problems might not be as great as not being able to walk. But still. I feel better remembering that even in my dreams, I do have that power to keep moving forward. It's kind of like that Miley Cyrus song - It's all about The Climb. Or in my case, The Crawl.
But what about you, FG? Where do your dreams take you? Feel free to share in a comment (see the instructions on the side). And as always, I am available at The Fab Gal Myspace or by e-mail at fabgalsite@gmail.com.
xoxo
The Fab GalLabels: dreams, fab gal, life lessons, power, teens |
| posted by Fab Gal @ 11:01 PM |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
Friday, February 27, 2009 |
|
|
|
|
| |
| That Little Extra Something |
Hey Fab Gals!
Whenever I get a new magazine, I don't open it right away. I save it. I am so excited, and hopeful about what's going to be on the inside, that I wait - just so I can hold on to that feeling a little bit longer.
You know, it's kind the same thing with the student government going on at my school right now. There's one group that's running a campaign with only one promise: to fix a sidewalk. They say that they know it is boring, but at least they can promise that they will get it done. That seemed realistic enough, right? But then they've gone on and on, tearing down the other group for making promises that they may not be able to keep. Okay. But then I heard this other group speak. And I liked what their goals - more recycling bins, more social events. It doesn't seem that hard. Do I really have to believe it's not possible?
I don't know. It seems like we so often think that being cynical means you're being realistic. And it's true - having no hopes at all is the surest way to keep your heart from breaking, to keep from being disappointed. "Our only limits to our realization of tomorrow will be our doubts of today." Franklin D. Roosevelt said that. Or more simply, "Life's what you make it, so let's make it rock!" Doubting doesn't make more things happen, it just means you won't try any more than you have to.
Sometimes (too much) I lose faith. In myself. My life. We all do. But I don't think you can really truly live without being a dreamer. You can. But your world won't be as colorful maybe. I spent 30 minutes getting ready for a guy I talked to for 5 minutes about the weather. And I love that. In fact, I wish I could have more of that. Bottle it up and use it everyday. Because yes, your dreams have to have some basis in reality. And when you work them up too much, reality can be a little disappointing. But I think in the long run, a hopeful life is infinitely more kind and beautiful.
And maybe, just maybe, you'll get those happily-ever-afters every once in a while.
xoxo
The Fab GalLabels: dreams, fab gal, happiness, life lessons, self esteem |
| posted by Fab Gal @ 4:45 PM |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
Monday, January 12, 2009 |
|
|
|
|
| |
| Right Here, Right Now |
Hello Fab Gals!
Do you ever wish that you had something that could make all of your decisions for you? Well, my dad has one. It's this little wheel that sits on his desk, and when you spin it it gives you an answer to your question (Nice, right?). The problem is that it's broken, so no matter how you spin it, it always lands on "Tomorrow." Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow. And the funny thing is, I think a lot of people's inner decision-makers are broken in quite a similar way.
Everyone is a dreamer, whether they admit it or not. And it's easy to say that you'll get started working to those goals tomorrow, next week, or some other time. Like, "I'll start treating myself better tomorrow" or even "I'll be happy once I... (lose 5 pounds, get a boyfriend, become popular)." And of course tomorrow is beautiful - it always sits just beyond the sunset. But the difference between tomorrow and today is really the difference between having dreams and actually starting the work to make them happen.
Oprah said, "My philosophy is that not only are you responsible for your life, but doing the best at this moment puts you in the best place for the next moment." And I wouldn't disagree with her - she's a woman who has made a few dreams happen. What usually stops us is that initial push, when it feels like you're a million miles away from where you really want to be. But you know what? That's cool. Because some place has to be your starting place. It might as well be right here, right now.
xoxo
The Fab Gal
PS - The Fab Gal site has a new web address - www.thefabgal.com. Plus, don't forget to check out FG on Squidoo and Youtube!Labels: dreams, fab gal, girls, goals, life lessons, Oprah, teens |
| posted by Fab Gal @ 7:27 AM |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
Wednesday, January 7, 2009 |
|
|
|
|
| |
| Looking for Mr. Right? |
Hey FGs!
Being on break has given me a lot of time to catch up on some TV watching. And the other day, I was enjoying The Today Show, and they had this woman on the show talking about how to find your soul mate. And it was actually really, really interesting. Now I totally understand if you don't believe in that sort of thing. That's cool. But the tips that she shared were actually really good ones, and I think they could be helpful for any kind of goal or resolution.
The first one - write out exactly what you want. If we were talking Prince Charming here, we would describe him in as much detail as possible, from his hair to his heart. When you have a goal, it's good to be really specific as well. Like, if your resolution was to do better in school, what would that look like? Maybe that would be organizing your locker, studying for tests, going in for help after school. Or if you want to take better care of yourself, what does that mean? Maybe that would be exercising three times a week, or maybe it would mean making time to relax each day. Also include how accomplishing that goal will make you feel, or how your life will be differently once you get there.
The second tip was to, quite literally, make space in your life for Mr. Right. I think this can apply too. Making space for your goals and dreams to come true sends a clear message that you are serious about making them happen. How do you do that? Well, that's really up to you. Let's say your goal is to run in a race. "Making space" could be getting all the things you need to be a successful runner, and clearing out that day in your planner. What do you want your life to be like once you complete your resolution? Leave room to fill with the changes that you want to make happen.
So even if you're not looking for the perfect guy this year, hopefully these tips will help you to make the changes you dream about. Let me know what your goals are for 2009 - and remember, I'm always here for ya!
xoxo
The Fab GalLabels: dreams, fab gal, girls, goals, problem solving, teens |
| posted by Fab Gal @ 12:52 PM |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
