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Sunday, January 8, 2012 |
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| Hello, Future! |
Happy New Year, Fab Gals! 2012 is still brand new, so it’s that time when everyone is hopeful – makin  g resolutions and looking forward to the possibilities of the New Year. It’s also that time for me (and maybe you!) when graduation is just a few months away. Sure, graduation is an ending, and reflecting about all that’s changed since you stepped through those school doors for the first time. But even more, graduation is about making big decisions for the future. What do you want to do with your life? Where will you go to college? Or maybe, who do you wanna be when you step into the halls of middle school? The questions and uncertainty are enough to make the future seem a little frightening. When the future seems frightening, it’s easy to just push it away, focus on the now, ignore the what-ifs, and play it safe. That's what I've been doing, anyway. But of course, that’s not really dealing. No matter what you do (or don’t do) the future is always coming, one minute at a time. Thankfully for me, I have someone who always puts things in perspective. My dad reminded me that what matters most is thinking not just about the right now, but where you want to be in the future – whether that’s 1 year, 4 years, or 10 years. Because c’mon, you have big dreams, right? But the only way to get there is by pulling them out of the clouds and starting to work towards them right now, not some day in the future once this or that happens. I don’t want you or me to sell ourselves and our Fab-ness short by squishing down life into what fits in the present. So I’m starting to make goals for the new year… including a few I hope to share with you. But what are your hopes, FG? How are you moving forward in 2012? Share in the comments below… and know I’m cheering you on every step of the way. xoxo The Fab Gal Cruising ahead in 2012 ;) Labels: 2012, advice, fab gal, future, girls, goals, new year, self esteem, teens |
posted by Fab Gal @ 8:25 PM   |
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Tuesday, December 27, 2011 |
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| Top 5 FGs of 2011 |
Hey Fab Gals,
So of course not every Fab Gal gets to (or wants to) spend her time in the spotlight. However, I think it's really cool when girls use the opportunities they've been given, like fame, to help others. So this top 5 is honoring 5 well-known Fab Gals who shined in in 2011.  1. Demi Lovato - After leaving treatment at the beginning of the year, Demi has bounced back in a big way. In addition to releasing a new album, which includes the stay-strong anthem "Skyscraper," she's become a contributing editor for Seventeen, sharing about her struggles with the pressure to be perfect and encouraging other girls to be confident. Demi has proved that you can grow out of struggles and mistakes to be strong and help others. Check out her work for Seventeen here. 2 . Kendall Jenner - The Kardashians have certainly garnered their share of fa  me as fortune, as well as plenty of criticism. However, this younger member of the K crew doesn't take her blessings for granted. For her Sweet 16 party, she asked guests bring toys to donate to the local children's hospital instead of presents for herself. She found a way to have the best of both worlds - a rooftop party with family and friends, and gifts to give to others. Read more about her party here.  3. Kate Middleton - This now-duchess is of course best known in 2011 for her fairytale wedding to Prince William. But in an era where princesses have gotten a bad rep, she's used her position for good. In just the last few months, she has supported UNICEF, been named an ambassador for the Olympics, and made other charity visits. Talk about princess power!  4. Taylor Swift - Okay, I am just the biggest T-Swfit fangirl ever. But in an age where some do find fame for being catty on a reality TV show, Taylor really is a true sweetheart. What's more, she's willing to "Speak Now" and share her story in songs that are relatable. She's like a supportive best friend over the stereo! Check out her latest video, for "Ours," here. 5 . Sarah Cronk - Okay, you may not recognize her name, but this is a girl worth knowing about. In 2008, she started a cheerleading squad at her school that included girls with disabilities. That grew into the Sparkle Effect, a program that helps girls at schools across the country create similar squads. This year, she won the top prize at the 2011 VH1 Do Something Awards. That means she won $100,000 for her organization. . . in addition to getting to wear a sparkly dress on TV and make eye contact with Justin Bieber. Talk about a Fab Gal! Learn more about the Sparkle Effect here. So FGs, that's my top 5 for 2011. Who would be on your list? Who are the FGs in your life? Share in the comments below! xoxo
The Fab Gal Labels: 2011, celebrities, confidence, fab gal, self esteem, top 5 |
| posted by Fab Gal @ 1:37 PM |
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Saturday, August 20, 2011 |
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| Picture Imperfect |
So Fab Gals, it's getting to be that time of year - back-to-school. Personally, I love this time of year. Not that I'm exactly excited about homework and test again (in fact, I'm really not). But it always seems like the first day brings with it tons of possibilities - for new adventures, new challenges, new crushes... or even just new school supplies! But before we leave behind the lazy (or crazy!) days of summer, I want to share with you one of the out-of-school lessons I learned.
I am definitely, positively not perfect. But you know what? I do alright.
There's been a lot out there lately about self-acceptance, with Demi Lovato and other celebs (and real girls!) speaking out against the "pressure to be perfect." I feel like I started to accept that lesson a long time ago. I mean, that's one of the tenants of being a Fab Gal, right? Know that your imperfections are just a part of the beautiful, complex girl that you are. But sometimes, I struggle with accepting my own brand of imperfect. Like, okay, I can deal with being a bruises-like-a-peach klutz. I mean, it makes for funny stories, right? But if I deal with that, can't I just have 24/7 perfect skin? And being a bit shy - no big deal. I can work through that. But the down moods and grouchy moments? I could live without (and believe me, others could too!).
But let me tell you about the moment that I decided just-like-this was more-than-enough. It was the end of a day at the amusement park with my friends. Everyone was snapping pics like crazy. Problem was, I didn't feel so camera ready. I had a sweaty, make-up free face, and humidity-frizzy water park hair... not to mention a mental image of myself as bloated like a balloon from the standard fried theme park food. I was already dreading seeing those photos on Facebook. But then I realized, you know what? It's so worth it. I spent a day running around with new and old friends. I'll never forget the feeling of riding front seat down the roller coaster or being stopped right at the top of the Ferris wheel when the fireworks started (truly magical). So snap away. Today was perfect.
As you head into the school year, if you find yourself getting down on yourself, stop and make sure you're looking at things from the right direction. Even if you feel imperfect, maybe things (and you!) are perfect in their own way, when you look at the whole picture. Sometimes you need to put yourself out there, flaws and all, to live the full life you really deserve.
So this is me, imperfect and unedited. Remember FGs, I'm always here when you need me. And whatever challenges you face this year, I'm behind you all the way. Let's show the world what our little imperfect selves are capable of!
xoxo
Labels: advice, fab gal, girls, imperfect, love is louder than the pressure to be perfect, self esteem, teens |
| posted by Fab Gal @ 2:40 PM |
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Tuesday, July 26, 2011 |
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| FG Approved: The Lo-Down |
Reality stars aren't exactly known for having healthy relationships. I'm thinking of the bizarre showdown that is "The Bachelor" and pretty much any reality show involving a celebrity or housewife. But The Lo-Down, a dating guide by Lo Bosworth, proves that some stars are firmly grounded in... well, reality. The lovely chica of "Laguna Beach" and "The Hills"  fame has put together a relationship how-to manual that is well-worth the read. The Lo-Down is centered on The Golden Rule, which basically comes down to "if it doesn't work out with a guy, he is not the right guy for YOU, so ditch the misconception that you must not be right for HIM." It's a similar message to the one from the ever-popular He's Just Not That Into You (read: If he's not treating you right, don't waste your time), but softer. In fact, this book is a nice contrast, because it takes the power from the guy and gives it to you. That's what's also so fab about this book - Lo encourages you to believe in your worth and gives specific tips for building your confidence, like setting goals, volunteering, and making a Love List. While personally-focused, it's sensibly in keeping with the goal of the book, because Lo knows that when you believe in yourself, you'll be able to find and build a relationship where you're happy and treated right. Another bonus: this book is equal parts solid advice and simple fun. It includes features such as insightful quizzes (think the ones from Quizfest or Cosmo, but more meaningful) and personal stories about herself and friends to back up her points. I also absolutely adored the list of the types of guys that fall into the categories of "Baddies" and "Goodies." Sure, it's generally best to avoid putting labels on anyone, boys included. But when you're dealing with the blurry vision that comes with crushes and broken hearts, Lo's categories help you see the hard facts of the situation. It's sooo much easier to step back, look around, and say "Oh, we've got a Can't-Commit Charlie on our hands" than it is to argue with the strong emotions you may have (and the sensitivity that comes with them).
Okay, before I conclude this gush-fest over the lovely Lo-Down, let me just point out that Lo gives helpful advice for every step of the relationship road, from the initial signs that a guy is into you, to moving on from the wrong one, and everything in-between, such as fun date ideas and recipes to make with or for your beau. The Lo-Down is an especially great read for girls between relationships ready for a new approach, but it could still be an enjoyable read if you're happily in one. Consider Lo your down-to-earth girlfriend with the advice you need to hear and a sweet shoulder to lean on. xoxo
Labels: books, boys, dating, fab gal, FG Approved, Lo Bosworth, relationships, self esteem, The Lo-Down |
| posted by Fab Gal @ 12:28 PM |
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Wednesday, June 29, 2011 |
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| FG Approved: Demi Lovato |
Hey girlies!
I just wanted to share with you something really cool in the media lately. Demi Lovato , after leaving rehab and opening up about her struggles with bipolar disorder, cutting, and an eating disorder, has partnered up wit Seventeen magazine as a contributing editor, to share her campaign "Love is Louder than the Pressure to Be Perfect." You can check out more about it here: demi lovato opens up about the pressure to be perfect. I think it's a great message - sharing you struggles to help others. Check it out!
xoxoLabels: celebrities, Demi Lovato, fab gal, self esteem, Seventeen, teens |
| posted by Fab Gal @ 11:10 AM |
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Saturday, June 11, 2011 |
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| Flawed? |
I started thinking yesterday about strengths and weaknesses. I was thinking that even though we usually consider them to be opposites, maybe they're not really that different. Maybe they're more like one thing, flipsides of a coin or a continuum. Maybe being happy and successful is figuring out how to best use your traits in each situation.
For example, I am cautious. Which means I generally don't get myself in dangerous situations (riding in a car without a seatbelt, doing drugs, jumping off a building). But sometimes it means I psych myself out of doing something I do want to do when I get nervous (leading to those "Oh, if only I had..." kind of moments). I am thoughtful - I think about everything all the time - which I believe is what allows me to be a writer, when I can channel it in that direction. But then sometimes I worry too much, and I wish I could turn it off and just breathe.
I also feel like my determination, one of my favorite traits, could be the death of me. It's certainly done me both good and bad. There's nothing inherently wrong with being stubborn or a go-getter, but when you're truly hell-bent on something, it sounds like you are headed in the wrong direction. Being determined has helped me with challenges, like making the cheerleading squad and starting a website (3 years and counting!). But then there are times like when I was resolved to lose weight. I certainly made it happen, but it didn't make me happy. Now it makes me hesitant whenever I start to get in that can't-stop-me-now mindset, because I wonder if I am sending myself down the wrong path.
So yeah, I'm definitely not good at giving things up (see the Diet Coke to my left). But I'm also not good at giving up on things that matter. If I was, would I be here? Definitely not.
You know, we always say that the way to be happy with ourselves and build self-esteem is to embrace and accept our flaws. And I do believe that is a lovely way to live. But maybe, at least sometimes, you can take it one step further, and consider how to use your flaws in a way so that they aren't really flaws at all. Are you nerdy, or are you studious and unique? Are you pushy, or could you be assertive when it matters? Are you absentminded, with your "head in the clouds," or do you have a great imagination in need of a place to go, like art or writing or music?
So don't be scared of your weaknesses. They may just be strengths you haven't figured out how to use yet.Labels: advice, fab gal, flaws, girls, perfection, self esteem, teens |
| posted by Fab Gal @ 4:18 PM |
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Sunday, June 5, 2011 |
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| Speak Up, Speak Now |
I guess lately I have been thinking a lot about the less comfortable aspects of life that you must brave through in order to live your fullest, best life. One of those is speaking up when something is bothering you. I am at a point in my life where I'm trying to learn how to make my own decisions and be independent. I've gotten a lot better at it. I'm having a lot of fun with it, too (my belly button has never been more glam-ified). I still get stuck sometimes, though. And it reminds me that sometimes when you've found yourself in a hole, it's time to stop digging and speak up before you can't be heard anymore.
I've been panicked beyond panicked about what I'm going to do next year after I graduate. I have some direction, and one idea in particular. But I've been really shaken up about it, and I finally realized how much it was affecting me below the surface. And I hadn't said anything to anyone about how I was feeling because it seemed better off to not acknowledge it and make it real. Less painful, anyway. I didn't want to talk, and then find out the things that I thought were true were really true - that there was absolutely no good solution. But once I realized how much I was struggling, I decided it couldn't hurt - it had to come out eventually, right? So I jumped in and told my dad about it. There were tears, definitely, and uncomfortable moments of silence for me where I just wanted to run. But it was a huge relief. Like maybe everything really will be okay. I'll be okay. My future will be bright. And I have help.
So many girls that I get to chat with online at work (which I seem to be able to brag about forever, but I will hold back for now) write in to us with big problems, or even if not "big," at least important ones that really would be best discussed with someone who knows them, face-to-face. A lot of the girls seem to understand that's what they "should" do, but often they have reasons why they feel like they can't. And that's understandable. I know people find themselves in lives I can't even imagine, where they really don't at the moment  have anyone they can trust. But for the most part, I think it's just that the idea of talking about something uncomfortable or embarrassing seems too difficult, especially if it's not something you usually do. But it can be so worth it. If I could go back in time and change one thing about my life, I would have spoken up sooner. There was a period of time in 7th grade when I was really struggling with my body, and just felt really insecure and shy. I do wonder now how my life would be different if I had reached out for help. But it's nobody's fault. I don't even really blame myself. I was clueless to the fact that how I was feeling wasn't normal or deserved, that I could be happier. And honestly, if everything that happened makes me who I am now, and gives me the chance to stop others from getting stuck in the same problems, then it was all worth it. I'll speak up, now and forever. And I think those two words - speak up - can make so many situations better. If you see a friend slipping into a bad sitch, say something. She might be mad, but it's better than just letting her go on that way. And speaking up is monumentally important in dating relationships. Even when you like someone and feel so in sync with them, it's not always so easy to take on their perspective. And they might not see things the way you do, either. My BFF pointed out to me that when you have "silences" in a relationship - where you are not talking about a problem - it's easy to fill in the silences with what you think they are thinking or feeling, and totally over-analyze. So say something. There's actually a very good chance that you will clear things up and see there wasn't much of a problem at all. Don't be afraid to speak up even if it's not a problem per se, just something you want or need (like, you want your bf to hold your hand, or you want more one-on-one time with your BFF). Sure, you can't always get what you want, but you deserve to be heard.
You're ultimately responsible for yourself, but sometimes that means knowing when to ask for help. And besides, your friends and family are the most important people in your life, they want to help, and they deserve to get to know and love the real you. So speak up. Now's the time. [Photo: Taylor Swift fan? Nobody knows how to "Speak Now" like the country chica.] Labels: advice, difficult conversations, fab gal, relationships, self esteem, Speak Now, talk |
| posted by Fab Gal @ 9:33 AM |
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Wednesday, June 1, 2011 |
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| Coming Through Your Storm |
"The way I see it, if you want the sunshine you gotta put up with the rain. - Dolly Parton
There's a time to hide out for shelter, and there's a time to buckle up and keep moving forward. I was going all philosophical on this idea, on life as I was driving home from movie night at my best friend's house and got caught in a rainstorm. When I'd left, the sky had been calm and clear, but all of the sudden I was on a highway I barely recognized anymore because of the sudden downpour (and I'm not exaggerating - my windshield wipers were about to give up and flee to the desert). I thought momentarily of pulling over, but that didn't seem like a much more appealing (or even safe) option. I decided if I just kept driving, slowly and cautiously, soon enough I would be exactly where I wanted to be - in bed, headphones in, listening to Selena Gomez and quickly falling asleep. And in that moment I realized that's just how it is with everything in life - sometimes you find yourself in a storm, even if things looked so clear to begin with, and it's easy to be overwhelmed. But it won't last forever. I guess people have probably used that comparison for ages, that bad times in life are like a storm. But what I only just realized is that even journeys to places you want to go, or ones that start out beautiful, can involve times of trouble. And I love storms. My mom said something similar to me once - I thought it was important so I wrote it down, and recently thought of it again. She said that sometimes you have to struggle through the hard parts of life or do things you don't like because it allows you to get to where you want to be or do what you want to do later. She was referring to law school, her own personal storm. I imagine it's the same way for other things - breaking  bad habits, training for a marathon, or overcoming self-doubt to take on a new challenge, whether it's writing a novel or just talking to a boy you like. Perseverance, or being able to keep going in spite of challenges and obstacles, is what it's all about. Being able to pause, take a deep breath, and keep going. There are two other Ps that I think are also important - patience and perspective. Patience is a virtue, or so I've heard, but it's one that I am only beginning to acquire. I don't mean patience in the annoying "Be patient, wait your turn" kind of way you know it when you're little, although it's kind of like that. I looked it up in the dictionary, to make sure I actually knew what I was talking about, and it described patience as "an ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay." I think that's perfect. Instead of flipping out or throwing your cards in or whatever you want to call it, you hold on. Really, it all comes back to having faith - in life in general, but especially in yourself. You sometimes just have to wait. Then there's perspective. This is where, when things get difficult, you make sure you're actually seeing them clearly. I used to chide myself for walking around like there was some dark cloud over my head. But maybe I was just looking at it from the wrong direction. I do live under a storm cloud. But I'm the lightning. I have the power - it's limited, it won't last forever, and it can certainly be destructive. But it's mine. And I get to do what I want with it. If you think you know where you're going, you can still move forward, and maybe you'll make it where you were headed all along. The drive just had more adventure than you planned. "I am not afraid of storms for I am learning to sail my ship." - Louisa May Alcott Labels: advice, challenges, fab gal, overcoming obstacles, self esteem |
| posted by Fab Gal @ 3:17 PM |
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Sunday, May 29, 2011 |
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| Also, allow yourself to fail. |
There is one other aspect of this funny/lovely/twisted life that I have come to regard as highly (or nearly so) as heartbreak: That would be failure. Or at least, the possibility of it.
Let me explain.
Lately, I've found it's easy to toss aside the dreams you have for yourself when you feel unsure (which, let's face it, is at some point almost inevitable). What's especially tricky is that dreams by their very definition are a little beyond logic or grander than real life. Until you make them real, that is. And I guess the tipping point is if the load becomes too much to bear - you feel unsure, you feel like you're going to mess up, or you're not even sure if what you want is what you really want.
Still, I believe in the face of all that, you have a reason to keep going. There's a tiny shred of something - a memory, a desire, a hope - about the size of a piece of fuzz from a dandelion ready to be blown away for a wish. So small. But if you catch it, you can fly with it... and suddenly it's just big enough.
And the benefits are multiple. I decided to run for a student government position at my school this year (secretary, because nobody does detailed notes like I do). It was something I wasn't sure if I even wanted to do or not, but I decided to go for it. The night I fou nd out I won the election, which I thought should have felt awesome for any normal person, I  had this sinking, oh-shoot-what-did-I-get-myself-into? feeling. But I had done it, so there was no turning back. And it turned out to be possibly the best decision I made all year. I had a great time, and the people I met, including a few who at the beginning of the year I wasn't so sure about, turned out to be amazing friends... and some even a little more (if you need a hint, see the previous article). It was exactly what I wanted - fun and friends - but it was also more. Those people and the experience brought out parts of me that had been missing for a while, parts that I hadn't realized how much I missed. They see me for Lady Gaga and glitter and quick comebacks, and I love them so much for it. Anyways, what I am saying by all of this gushing is that sometimes taking that chance (to fail, or just for things to totally suck) can be life-changing for you, in ways you never would have expected. I certainly could not have predicted all that would come out of a decision to do something I was wishy-washy about to begin with. It's become kind of a guiding principle for me. If I'm not sure about something, as long as it's not, you know, harmful or destructive, I think, "Hey, why not? It could lead to something great." Or not. Either way, you learn something.
That's another benefit, something that writing has taught me. Sometimes, putting yourself out there gives you the chance to sort out what's right and what's wrong. I have had a pretty wonderful opportunity to write for a pretty wonderful magazine this year. And my articles get posted online, so of course I go check out the comments. And let me say, I am starting to understand why celebrities don't read what people write about them on blogs and whatever. Because people are not afraid to say what they think online, and even when they're not crazy-mean, negative comments can sting. But one thing I've come to understand is that no matter if it's positive or negative, feedback can help. You can take in the positive (and smile), and then take in the negative - some of it is just "whatever," and you can toss it aside. But the rest you can learn from. I was devastated once when I read that someone used the tips in my article (a captivating piece about how to use a curling iron) and reported back that they didn't work. I was upset because I realized that even though I had done the research (and lots of it, let me tell you), I couldn't say for sure if they did work, because I hadn't tested them out myself. And I felt bad, but instantly a million little things came into my mind of how I could have double-checked to give myself the back-up (called my hair stylist, checked with my beauty-savvy best friend, etc.). And I was like, "Hey, this is okay. It hurts, because I wanted it to be perfect. But now I know." So what I'm saying is, taking a chance to fail (and sometimes failing) puts you in the fortunate position of being able to learn what works and what doesn't. Making you even more amazing and knowledgeable than you were before. Which you can't achieve just by imagining. You only get there by going out and doing.
What's most important though, is this: Allowing yourself the possibility of failing, of going after that wish or dream and having it all fall through, is an investment - in whoever it is you're going to become. And, even more importantly, it's a signal of faith and an act of love directed towards who you are right now.
Allow yourself to fail. A million times over. No matter what happens, you'll be changed for the better. It's inevitable.
In the end, this is what I've come up with: I may not get what I want. I can't even say I deserve it. But I'll be damned if I don't try.
So hold on, baby. Labels: advice, challenges, dreams, fab gal, failure, self esteem, taking risks |
| posted by Fab Gal @ 10:28 AM |
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Sunday, May 15, 2011 |
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| Please let your ♥ be broken. |
There's a saying that "Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all" (Alfred, Lord Tennyson said it first). I always thought that was a dumb thing to say (especially to someone who's just suffered a love-loss, which I imagine the first person to hear it was). In my mind, it's not far from saying "Tis better to have gambled your money away in Vegas than never to have gone on vacation at all." Well, okay. I guess. If you say so.
But having recently been on the losing side of "All's fair in love and war" (another don't-even-get-me-started phrase), I can see how maybe 'tis better. Not so much that the good times are worth the pain. It's hard, at least sitting in-the-moment with sadness, to feel like they were. But - I don't know. Somehow the world, your world, is a little different after. Shaken, and that's a good thing.
For one, there's a certain amount of energy and emotion, leftover post-love, which has to be channeled somewhere. Of course, it can be used destructively. Definitely. Many people seem to chide the Ben & Jerry's break-up cure. Surely it's not enough, but I don't actually think it's that bad. Eventually you'll be hungry for something more, maybe something beautiful (Where would we be if Drew had not walked right on by Taylor Swift? Sorely living in a world without "Teardrops on My Guitar"). You can run, you can paint - I write. It can even be something a little more surface-level - cleaning your room, going makeover-crazy. It's not everything, but it's something. Your world becomes a little shiny and new.
Also, cheesy as it sounds, falling in love can remind you of the possibilities and potential that life holds, sometimes when you don't see it coming. And sure, nobody wants to be the girl who completely depends on others to be okay with herself, but I think love can bring into focus why you love yourself. "I love you for the part of me that you bring out." Roy Croft said that. I, for one, am a sassy little firework. I remember that now. And that's something I don't ever have to give back.
That's not to say that heartbreak is all-powerful, or it leaves you perfect and indestructible. At least form where I stand now, I'm more aware of the weaknesses I have. Like, There you go, chicky, wanting the wrong things at the wrong time. Or is it the right things at the wrong time? A little obsessive, a little unstable, unpractical and too emotional. And maybe definitely still hurting, long past what I'm comfortable with.
But no matter how big the pain, how obvious your flaws - well, there you have it. You're here, you survived. You're okay.
Heartbreak looks good on you, honey.Labels: boys, fab gal, heartbreak, love, relationships, self esteem |
| posted by Fab Gal @ 10:49 AM |
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Sunday, July 18, 2010 |
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| Give Your Own Advice... And Take It |
Hello Fab Gals!
This year, I've had an amazing opportunity to give advice to girls all over the country through one of my fave websites. It's kind of glamorous, like being an advice columnist, although I haven't been published in a magazine (at least, not yet anyway!). Me, working at warp speed to rescue girls from friend/boy/body/beauty crises, one by one. Okay, that's a bit of a stretch. I definitely don't have perfect answers to all the Q's I get, but I do the best I can. Still, being the go-to girl for problem solving has taught me that there is a big difference between giving advice, and being able to follow your own.
My life, although completely Fab, doesn't always feel that way. Even when things are going great, there's usually still something I want to fix. I probably worry too much. I often feel like the girls who write in - I've got a problem, and I would like to be given a clear road map for getting out of it. Thankfully, I've got a team of rescue workers myself for when I get stuck. But recently, one of them pointed out that maybe the trouble isn't that I don't know what to do, but that I don't follow the helpful advice I would give to someone else.
I think this happens to a lot of us FGs. If a sister, BFF, or cousin were in a tough sitch, we could see a simple solution to get her out of it. What's more, we would be supportive, and really believe that she could get through. But we often make ourselves the exception. Especially if we're feeling stressed or not very confident, we don't always treat ourselves as nicely as we would a friend in trouble. Being in the middle of it, and having our thoughts and emotions all over the place, can make it extra hard. Instead of advice and support, we might give ourselves extra stress and worry, or even beat ourselves up for having a problem in the first place. We may not mean to do it. But being negative or harsh doesn't solve any problems - usually, it just adds to them.
So next time you need some advice, try to think of what you would say to someone you really care about. Instead of being critical or mean, try to give yourself the support you would to a BFF. Even if you can't come up with all the answers right away, just trusting that you can handle any sitch is a great start. But hey, that's just my advice.
xoxo
The Fab GalLabels: advice, fab gal, girls, life lessons, problem solving, self esteem, teens |
| posted by Fab Gal @ 11:13 AM |
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Tuesday, June 15, 2010 |
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| Be Daring, Be Fabulous |
"You'll never do a whole lot unless you're brave enough to try." - Dolly Parton
"Fear can hold you back from so many wonderful things in life, so I make myself go for things I'm afraid of. Worry afterward!" - Leann Rimes
"There is something liberating about not pretending. Dare to embarrass yourself. Risk." - Drew Barrymore
Hello Fab Gals!
Recently, I was reading over some of my fave quotes. I started to notice a pattern - so many of the women I admire talk about the importance of having courage. At first, you could say it's just because they're famous. I mean, you have to have some guts to lead a life in the public eye, right? But I think there's something more there - something that's important for any FG.
Courage is more than just being a daredevil or having no fears. Having courage is one of the key ingredients to having confidence in yourself. It's not about being completely fearless - it's knowing that some challenges are worth pushing past that sometimes uncomfortable, scary, oh-my-gosh-can-I-handle-this? feeling. It's the faith that you know what the right challenges are for you, that you are worth putting in the extra effort, and that you can handle the situation. And like confidence, courage is more than just a belief - it's an action. Sometimes a bold move is just what you need to feel Fab.
So how do you even begin? There are often challenges in our hearts we've secretly (or not-so-secretly) been dreaming about - trying out for the school musical, talking to our crush, or even starting our own business or writing a book. Sometimes, these can be the hardest, because it feels like we have so much to lose, or would be too disappointed to deal if we failed. But there are other ways to practice that can seem a little less threatening. Riding a roller coaster, wearing a daring new outfit, trying a new hobby, or taking another small risk that's less related to your dreams can give you a boost (and summer is the perfect time for such adventures!). And hey, sometimes courage means baby steps, or asking for advice to get you going on what you really want to do. The important thing is to find the challenge and go for it - and let yourself enjoy the rush and the strength that comes with breaking out of your comfort zone.
xoxo
The Fab Gal
"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I lived through this horror, I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do." - Eleanor Roosevelt
P.S. - If you need some ideas for FG-approved risks to try, check out this Fab Gal Top 10.Labels: advice, confidence, courage, dreams, fab gal, girls, life lessons, quotes, self esteem, taking risks, teens |
| posted by Fab Gal @ 2:57 PM |
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Wednesday, June 9, 2010 |
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| Fab Gals, Past and Future |
Day 4: Inspire Yourself
Hey Fab Gals!
In hopes of making over my confidence (and finding some tips to share with you), I've been testing out some advice from GirlWise: How to Be Confident, Capable, Cool, and in Control, by Julia DeVillers (with help from Atoosa Rubenstein) on how to Be Your Own Best Friend. The final step is to "Inspire Yourself." When you're feeling down on yourself, one of the first things to go is your dreams. It can feel like they're far beyond your reach, or maybe they were just kind of silly anyway. So GirlWise suggests you "Read empowering stories about amazing women, women of strength. And remember that each one of these amazing women... all started in the very same place you did."
I was definitely having one of those days, where it was only breakfast and it seemed to me like I wasn't getting anything right. I wasn't sure if reading would really help, but I decided to give it a shot. I picked up a book about cool women throughout history, featuring everyone from wild warrior Joan of Arc to funny girl Lucille Ball. As I began reading, I was truly amazed by their stories... and the effect they had on me.
Sometimes their thoughts, dreams, ideas, and challenges seemed crazy to other people - Jane Goodall saved her waitressing tips so she could move to Africa and study chimpanzees. but they still went for it. They could be extravagant, glamorous, and outrageous - like scandal-causing actress Mae West - but at the same time be ambitious, diligent, and hard workers. The two weren't mutually exclusive. They used the challenges in their own lives as a guiding force - like Madame C.J. Walker, who became the first black woman millionaire after a hair crisis inspired her to start a hair care company. Reading their stories put into focus the kind of woman I want to be, and started piecing together the inspiration I'd been missing.
I would definitely recommend this exercise. Of course, the trick comes in not just reading, but reminding yourself that you really can be counted among these amazing FGs. If it helps, I know you can do it.
So that wraps up the final day in my journey to be my own BFF (thanks to a lot of help from GirlWise). It's been tough, and definitely highlighted some problem areas in my relationship with me. But hey, relationships require work - and now I have some new tools to keep working on it.
xoxo
The Fab GalLabels: advice, Atoosa Rubenstein, books, confidence, fab gal, GirlWise, Julia DeVillers, self esteem, women in history |
| posted by Fab Gal @ 2:42 PM |
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Thursday, June 3, 2010 |
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| I Am... Fabulous |
Day 3: Compliment Yourself
"It's okay to be shy to accept a compliment. But what's so wrong with standing up straight and saying, 'Yeah, I am great'?" - Mandy Moore
Hello Fab Gals!
This week, I've been testing out some tips from Julia DeVillers (and Atoosa Rubenstein) from GirlWise: How to Be Confident, Capable, Cool, and in Control on how to Be Your Own Best Friend, in hopes of working on my own confidence and giving you FGs some ideas, too. The third part of this how-to was to "Compliment Yourself." Since most people love to get compliments, GirlWise says, "why wait until someone else makes your day? Plant yourself love letters in your room, your locker, anywhere you can."
I knew this step was important. I'm not much of a chef, but I'm starting to see confidence as a pretty simple recipe - equal parts the things you do, and the things you say to yourself. Still, as much as I give compliments to my (other!) BFFs, it had been a while since I had complimented myself. So, I sat down with a poster board, sticky notes, a pen, and twenty minutes, and wrote down any compliments that came to mind.
Despite being out of practice, it was not as difficult as I imagined it would be. I thought about inside qualities (being caring and passionate) and outside ones (love my hair!), ones that really matter to me (being a good writer and great BFF) and ones that I don't give enough credit (It used to embarass me that I was so good at math. But hello? That's a good thing, even if I only use it for managing my money so I can shop). It doesn't really matter what you compliment yourself on, just as long as you get started - and mean it! I thought I might feel silly or embarassed by trying to compliment myself, or worse, I wouldn't be able to come up with anything. But looking back at my poster throughout the day felt good... and even better when I thought that I might be able to come back and add to it later.
If you need a confidence boost, this is definitely a good place to start. I think I'm going to work at doing this more often. I think that we are scared to compliment yourselves because we don't think what we are already is enough, or that if we tell ourselves nice things we won't be motivated to work toward our goals. But looking at my compliments poster, I actually felt excited about the challenges in my life - like I know I have what it takes to tackle them.
Stay tuned for Day 4: Inspire Yourself, and more confidence tips from GirlWise.
xoxo
The Fab GalLabels: advice, Atoosa Rubenstein, books, compliments, confidence, fab gal, GirlWise, Julia DeVillers, self esteem |
| posted by Fab Gal @ 10:55 AM |
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Monday, May 31, 2010 |
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| (Not So) Solo Summer Day |
Day 2: Indulge Yourself
Hello Fab Gals!
This week, I am continuing to test out tips from GirlWise: How to Be Confident, Capable, Cool, and in Control by Julia DeVillers, with help by Atoosa Rubenstein, on how to Be Your Own Best Friend and build confidence. The second step in this how-to is to "Indulge Yourself." According to GirlWise, this means to "Take at least one night every week and do something that's totally all about you." Okay, I can totally do this one. I started working on the perfect plan for an all-about-me day. I didn't feel like I could give up an evening without friends, family, and work calling my name.
I knew exactly what I wanted to do on my solo summer day. I was going to spend my morning catching up on magazines and sun by the pool, and in the afternoon, I was going to hit the shoe department at the mall - a place I'd seriously been missing. It sounded absolutely indulgent and totally fabulous... until the day actually came.
Despite having an action plan in place, take-off proved to be difficult. I knew indulging myself was a perfectly fine way to spend a day, but for some reason I couldn't do it. I kept procrastinating, finding other random tasks to do instead. I began to wonder, Am I really such a difficult person to hang out with? I had no idea. Is it really so bad to spend time with me? Other people seem to be able to handle it. But before long, my thoughts were interrupted by another Fab Gal, one who needed time with a friend as much as I did.
So my solo summer day didn't happen like I imagined. At first I felt like I really failed at being my own best friend. But I've decided I can't give myself a hard time about it. That's the thing about best friends - we forgive them, despite any minor imperfections. Because they are worth more to us than that. And besides, sometimes being a best friend to someone who needs us brings out our best, and gives us something to be confident about. And hey, it's gotta be good practice for when we need to be our own BFFs. That relationship just might take a little more work.
Come back for Day 3: Compliment Yourself, and more confidence tips from GirlWise.
xoxo
The Fab GalLabels: advice, Atoosa Rubenstein, books, confidence, fab gal, friends, GirlWise, Julia DeVillers, self esteem |
| posted by Fab Gal @ 9:05 AM |
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Thursday, May 27, 2010 |
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| Roses... Would That Be Too Much? |
Day 1: Date Yourself
Hey FGs!
This week, I am trying out some tips from GirlWise: How to Be Confident, Capable, Cool, and in Control, by Julia DeVillers (with help from Atoosa Rubenstein) on how to build confidence by Being Your Own Best Friend. The first step in this how-to guide was to "Date Yourself." How do you do that, right? According to the book, it means to "Do for yourself the nice things you'd do for a guy you really wanted to make fall in love with you." That includes giving yourself special treats or gifts, or going to places you think are date-worthy.
So I decided to go for it... and I very quickly found out that I am a much tougher-to-impress date than I thought. I was a little stumped as to what I could really do for myself. As much as I secretly love the idea of receiving a dozen roses, I really didn't think I could just walk into the store today and buy them for myself ("Oh, who are these for?" Uhhmm...). And making reservations at a restaurant for me, myself, and I just didn't seem right.
Public displays of affection being out, I tried to think a little less date-y and a little more simple - what things do I like to do for myself when I don't have excuses (no money, no time, not worth it) not to? So the first thing I did was make a mixed CD - like a soundtrack to my life at the moment. It's small, but I hadn't done it in a while. And I'd forgotten, but driving around listening to my fave music is something I really kinda love. After some more thought, I realized what I would love most on my date with moi is to just rent my favorite show and curl up on the couch. So I drove out to the video store (to my new CD), and on the way picked up the ingredients for my fave dessert. I came back, whipped up my treat, and finished my date off on the couch, a little better than when I started.
As it turns out, dating myself was a lot harder than expected (which maybe explains why dating other people can be so confusing!). It's easy to see how we Fab Gals might not make the effort to do things just for ourselves - we're busy, and there are always so many other people we want to impress first. But really, who is more worthy of our endless love and affection than us? So I think I'm going to try to put in more effort from now on... and definitely go for a second date.
Stay tuned for Day 2: Indulge Yourself - and more confidence tips from GirlWise.
xoxo
The Fab Gal
Z5QMSEWQXED6Labels: advice, Atoosa Rubenstein, books, confidence, fab gal, GirlWise, Julia DeVillers, self esteem |
| posted by Fab Gal @ 5:05 PM |
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Sunday, May 23, 2010 |
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| FG Puts it to the Test: How to Be Your Own Best Friend |
Hello FGs! 
Recently, I picked up a new book. It's called GirlWise: How to Be Confident, Capable, Cool, and In Control, by Julia DeVillers. It's got how-tos for all the stuff you wish you knew, but of course don't learn in school - How to look great in a photo, journal, get along with your mother... even unclog a toilet (which may not sound that important, but knowing that would save a few thousand girls from ending up on Seventeen's "Embarrassing Moments" page).
Anyways, the chapter that interested me most was "Be Confident." Confidence doesn't come easy, but once you've got it, it makes doing pretty much everything easier (and more fun). And I'm willing to take all the tips I can get. So I've decided to put it to the test.
One of the how-tos in this chapter was How to Be Your Own Best Friend, with advice by Atoosa Rubenstein (former editor-in-chief of Seventeen and CosmoGIRL!). Her idea is that we are awesome to our BFFs - we remind her how beautiful she is, encourage her in chasing her dreams, and make time for her whenever she needs it. But we don't always do those things for ourselves, especially when we're not feeling so hot. So if we treat ourselves more like a best friend, maybe we can be more confident.
So this week, I'm going to give it a shot - be my own best friend. I'll put the tips to the test, and let you know how it goes. Keep checking back, FG.
xoxo
The Fab Gal Labels: advice, Atoosa Rubenstein, books, confidence, fab gal, GirlWise, Julia DeVillers, self esteem |
| posted by Fab Gal @ 12:25 PM |
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Monday, May 10, 2010 |
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| Secrets of a Cover Girl |
Hey FGs!
I have always loved magazines. And I have always thought that being on the cover of one would be a dream. I can just picture it... Going to a super-exclusive studio, having a whole wardrobe of clothes picked out just for you, snapping lots of glamorous pics, and then heading to a fancy restaurant to do an interview for your cover story. That would have to be so fab, right? Being a cover girl, you would know you've really made it. But then I read this quote by Miley Cyrus:
"I told my mom, 'I'm not buying another magazine until I can get past this thought of looking like the girl on the cover.' She said, 'Miley, you are the girl on the cover,' and I was, like, I know, but
I don't feel like that girl every day.' You can't always feel perfect."
That's so crazy to think about. I guess I always thought girls who had it all - you know, being a mega-successful TV actress/movie star/singer - would know it, too. You'd think that being the superstar on the cover would make you feel super-confident. And Miley's not the only one. Pink, the tough-as-nails pop star, told a magazine she's okay with the fact that she's not a "cover girl" - when she was on the cover herself! I'm not telling you this to make you feel less confident. Oh, if the real cover girls don't feel beautiful, how can I ever feel that way myself? The opposite is true. In fact, you could be struggling with cover girl blindness yourself, like Miley or Pink - not seeing yourself as beautiful/smart/talented/amazing as you are, even when signs say it's true. When you're feeling down, facing a challenge, or having an off day, it's easy to believe that any negative thoughts or self-doubts you have are true, that you really aren't good enough. That's when you have to remember that your thoughts don't always represent the beautiful truth - that you are Fab just how you are. Cover girls don't always feel like cover girls. And sometimes, Fab Gals don't feel like Fab Gals. xoxo The Fab Gal As, always, I can be reached by comment below or by e-mail at fabgalsite@gmail.com. Labels: beauty, celebrities, confidence, fab gal, Miley Cyrus, Pink, self esteem |
| posted by Fab Gal @ 12:21 PM |
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Sunday, April 11, 2010 |
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| A Little Less Perfect, A Little More Happy |
Hey FGs!
Part of being a Fab, confident chica is being driven - having big dreams, and wanting to make them all come true. Maybe you want to have lots of friends, start a new fashion trend, be the next T-Swift guitar cutie, or even run for president! And it's true - the only way to achieve your dreams is to believe in yourself and put in the hard work it takes to make them real.
There's something else that's important, too. Sometimes it's easy to feel like you have to get it all right - school, friends, family, boys, beauty - or to feel like you just aren't quite enough. Of course, you could do everything totally amazing and top-notch, you if wanted. I don't doubt that. But part of having confidence is realizing you don't have to get everything perfectly 24/7. Sometimes it's better to give yourself a break, and to realize you're doing just fine the way you are. Sometimes it's better to be a little less perfect, and a little more happy.
So keep dreaming big - set your goals high and know that you have the power to reach them. But don't forget that sometimes, it's okay to take a break, ask for help, or even to stumble or fall on your face. Imperfections are what make you so real - and so Fab.
xoxo
The Fab GalLabels: advice, confidence, fab gal, girls, self esteem, teens |
| posted by Fab Gal @ 4:38 PM |
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Sunday, March 28, 2010 |
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| The Fab Gal Confidence Playlist |
Hey Fab Gals!
This week I'm gonna give ya the top six songs on my ultimate confidence playlist. Music is totally powerful - it can express how you're feeling, and pick you up when you're feeling down. These songs are all about making you feel absolutely Fab. So grab some headphones and turn up the volume!
1. "Don't Stop Believin' " - Glee Cast
Sing this one at the top of your lungs and you'll feel better in an instant. Promise.
2. "Single Ladies" - Beyonce
Whether you have a BF or not, this one's a good reminder that you deserve to be respected for the FG you are.
3. "Into the Rush" - Aly & AJ
An oldie but goodie. This one always reminds me you can jump into any challenge.
4. "Believe in Me" - Demi Lovato
The ultimate confidence song. The title says it all.
5. "Change" - Taylor Swift
Taylor has had an amazing year - she knows all about how things can change for the better.
6. "Make Some Noise" - Hannah Montana
Hannah's music has always been about confidence and being true to yourself. She may just be another side of Miley, but her music is so FG.
So FGs, what would be on your confidence playlists? What artists and songs make you feel totally Fab? Give me a comment to share your thoughts.
xoxo
The Fab GalLabels: Aly and AJ, Beyonce, confidence, Demi Lovato, fab gal, Glee, Hannah Montana, music, self esteem, Taylor Swift |
| posted by Fab Gal @ 12:11 PM |
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