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Wednesday, June 9, 2010 |
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| Fab Gals, Past and Future |
Day 4: Inspire Yourself
Hey Fab Gals!
In hopes of making over my confidence (and finding some tips to share with you), I've been testing out some advice from GirlWise: How to Be Confident, Capable, Cool, and in Control, by Julia DeVillers (with help from Atoosa Rubenstein) on how to Be Your Own Best Friend. The final step is to "Inspire Yourself." When you're feeling down on yourself, one of the first things to go is your dreams. It can feel like they're far beyond your reach, or maybe they were just kind of silly anyway. So GirlWise suggests you "Read empowering stories about amazing women, women of strength. And remember that each one of these amazing women... all started in the very same place you did."
I was definitely having one of those days, where it was only breakfast and it seemed to me like I wasn't getting anything right. I wasn't sure if reading would really help, but I decided to give it a shot. I picked up a book about cool women throughout history, featuring everyone from wild warrior Joan of Arc to funny girl Lucille Ball. As I began reading, I was truly amazed by their stories... and the effect they had on me.
Sometimes their thoughts, dreams, ideas, and challenges seemed crazy to other people - Jane Goodall saved her waitressing tips so she could move to Africa and study chimpanzees. but they still went for it. They could be extravagant, glamorous, and outrageous - like scandal-causing actress Mae West - but at the same time be ambitious, diligent, and hard workers. The two weren't mutually exclusive. They used the challenges in their own lives as a guiding force - like Madame C.J. Walker, who became the first black woman millionaire after a hair crisis inspired her to start a hair care company. Reading their stories put into focus the kind of woman I want to be, and started piecing together the inspiration I'd been missing.
I would definitely recommend this exercise. Of course, the trick comes in not just reading, but reminding yourself that you really can be counted among these amazing FGs. If it helps, I know you can do it.
So that wraps up the final day in my journey to be my own BFF (thanks to a lot of help from GirlWise). It's been tough, and definitely highlighted some problem areas in my relationship with me. But hey, relationships require work - and now I have some new tools to keep working on it.
xoxo
The Fab GalLabels: advice, Atoosa Rubenstein, books, confidence, fab gal, GirlWise, Julia DeVillers, self esteem, women in history |
posted by Fab Gal @ 2:42 PM   |
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Thursday, June 3, 2010 |
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| I Am... Fabulous |
Day 3: Compliment Yourself
"It's okay to be shy to accept a compliment. But what's so wrong with standing up straight and saying, 'Yeah, I am great'?" - Mandy Moore
Hello Fab Gals!
This week, I've been testing out some tips from Julia DeVillers (and Atoosa Rubenstein) from GirlWise: How to Be Confident, Capable, Cool, and in Control on how to Be Your Own Best Friend, in hopes of working on my own confidence and giving you FGs some ideas, too. The third part of this how-to was to "Compliment Yourself." Since most people love to get compliments, GirlWise says, "why wait until someone else makes your day? Plant yourself love letters in your room, your locker, anywhere you can."
I knew this step was important. I'm not much of a chef, but I'm starting to see confidence as a pretty simple recipe - equal parts the things you do, and the things you say to yourself. Still, as much as I give compliments to my (other!) BFFs, it had been a while since I had complimented myself. So, I sat down with a poster board, sticky notes, a pen, and twenty minutes, and wrote down any compliments that came to mind.
Despite being out of practice, it was not as difficult as I imagined it would be. I thought about inside qualities (being caring and passionate) and outside ones (love my hair!), ones that really matter to me (being a good writer and great BFF) and ones that I don't give enough credit (It used to embarass me that I was so good at math. But hello? That's a good thing, even if I only use it for managing my money so I can shop). It doesn't really matter what you compliment yourself on, just as long as you get started - and mean it! I thought I might feel silly or embarassed by trying to compliment myself, or worse, I wouldn't be able to come up with anything. But looking back at my poster throughout the day felt good... and even better when I thought that I might be able to come back and add to it later.
If you need a confidence boost, this is definitely a good place to start. I think I'm going to work at doing this more often. I think that we are scared to compliment yourselves because we don't think what we are already is enough, or that if we tell ourselves nice things we won't be motivated to work toward our goals. But looking at my compliments poster, I actually felt excited about the challenges in my life - like I know I have what it takes to tackle them.
Stay tuned for Day 4: Inspire Yourself, and more confidence tips from GirlWise.
xoxo
The Fab GalLabels: advice, Atoosa Rubenstein, books, compliments, confidence, fab gal, GirlWise, Julia DeVillers, self esteem |
| posted by Fab Gal @ 10:55 AM |
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Monday, May 31, 2010 |
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| (Not So) Solo Summer Day |
Day 2: Indulge Yourself
Hello Fab Gals!
This week, I am continuing to test out tips from GirlWise: How to Be Confident, Capable, Cool, and in Control by Julia DeVillers, with help by Atoosa Rubenstein, on how to Be Your Own Best Friend and build confidence. The second step in this how-to is to "Indulge Yourself." According to GirlWise, this means to "Take at least one night every week and do something that's totally all about you." Okay, I can totally do this one. I started working on the perfect plan for an all-about-me day. I didn't feel like I could give up an evening without friends, family, and work calling my name.
I knew exactly what I wanted to do on my solo summer day. I was going to spend my morning catching up on magazines and sun by the pool, and in the afternoon, I was going to hit the shoe department at the mall - a place I'd seriously been missing. It sounded absolutely indulgent and totally fabulous... until the day actually came.
Despite having an action plan in place, take-off proved to be difficult. I knew indulging myself was a perfectly fine way to spend a day, but for some reason I couldn't do it. I kept procrastinating, finding other random tasks to do instead. I began to wonder, Am I really such a difficult person to hang out with? I had no idea. Is it really so bad to spend time with me? Other people seem to be able to handle it. But before long, my thoughts were interrupted by another Fab Gal, one who needed time with a friend as much as I did.
So my solo summer day didn't happen like I imagined. At first I felt like I really failed at being my own best friend. But I've decided I can't give myself a hard time about it. That's the thing about best friends - we forgive them, despite any minor imperfections. Because they are worth more to us than that. And besides, sometimes being a best friend to someone who needs us brings out our best, and gives us something to be confident about. And hey, it's gotta be good practice for when we need to be our own BFFs. That relationship just might take a little more work.
Come back for Day 3: Compliment Yourself, and more confidence tips from GirlWise.
xoxo
The Fab GalLabels: advice, Atoosa Rubenstein, books, confidence, fab gal, friends, GirlWise, Julia DeVillers, self esteem |
| posted by Fab Gal @ 9:05 AM |
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Thursday, May 27, 2010 |
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| Roses... Would That Be Too Much? |
Day 1: Date Yourself
Hey FGs!
This week, I am trying out some tips from GirlWise: How to Be Confident, Capable, Cool, and in Control, by Julia DeVillers (with help from Atoosa Rubenstein) on how to build confidence by Being Your Own Best Friend. The first step in this how-to guide was to "Date Yourself." How do you do that, right? According to the book, it means to "Do for yourself the nice things you'd do for a guy you really wanted to make fall in love with you." That includes giving yourself special treats or gifts, or going to places you think are date-worthy.
So I decided to go for it... and I very quickly found out that I am a much tougher-to-impress date than I thought. I was a little stumped as to what I could really do for myself. As much as I secretly love the idea of receiving a dozen roses, I really didn't think I could just walk into the store today and buy them for myself ("Oh, who are these for?" Uhhmm...). And making reservations at a restaurant for me, myself, and I just didn't seem right.
Public displays of affection being out, I tried to think a little less date-y and a little more simple - what things do I like to do for myself when I don't have excuses (no money, no time, not worth it) not to? So the first thing I did was make a mixed CD - like a soundtrack to my life at the moment. It's small, but I hadn't done it in a while. And I'd forgotten, but driving around listening to my fave music is something I really kinda love. After some more thought, I realized what I would love most on my date with moi is to just rent my favorite show and curl up on the couch. So I drove out to the video store (to my new CD), and on the way picked up the ingredients for my fave dessert. I came back, whipped up my treat, and finished my date off on the couch, a little better than when I started.
As it turns out, dating myself was a lot harder than expected (which maybe explains why dating other people can be so confusing!). It's easy to see how we Fab Gals might not make the effort to do things just for ourselves - we're busy, and there are always so many other people we want to impress first. But really, who is more worthy of our endless love and affection than us? So I think I'm going to try to put in more effort from now on... and definitely go for a second date.
Stay tuned for Day 2: Indulge Yourself - and more confidence tips from GirlWise.
xoxo
The Fab Gal
Z5QMSEWQXED6Labels: advice, Atoosa Rubenstein, books, confidence, fab gal, GirlWise, Julia DeVillers, self esteem |
| posted by Fab Gal @ 5:05 PM |
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Sunday, May 23, 2010 |
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| FG Puts it to the Test: How to Be Your Own Best Friend |
Hello FGs! 
Recently, I picked up a new book. It's called GirlWise: How to Be Confident, Capable, Cool, and In Control, by Julia DeVillers. It's got how-tos for all the stuff you wish you knew, but of course don't learn in school - How to look great in a photo, journal, get along with your mother... even unclog a toilet (which may not sound that important, but knowing that would save a few thousand girls from ending up on Seventeen's "Embarrassing Moments" page).
Anyways, the chapter that interested me most was "Be Confident." Confidence doesn't come easy, but once you've got it, it makes doing pretty much everything easier (and more fun). And I'm willing to take all the tips I can get. So I've decided to put it to the test.
One of the how-tos in this chapter was How to Be Your Own Best Friend, with advice by Atoosa Rubenstein (former editor-in-chief of Seventeen and CosmoGIRL!). Her idea is that we are awesome to our BFFs - we remind her how beautiful she is, encourage her in chasing her dreams, and make time for her whenever she needs it. But we don't always do those things for ourselves, especially when we're not feeling so hot. So if we treat ourselves more like a best friend, maybe we can be more confident.
So this week, I'm going to give it a shot - be my own best friend. I'll put the tips to the test, and let you know how it goes. Keep checking back, FG.
xoxo
The Fab Gal Labels: advice, Atoosa Rubenstein, books, confidence, fab gal, GirlWise, Julia DeVillers, self esteem |
| posted by Fab Gal @ 12:25 PM |
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