The Fab Gal

Happy Valentine’s Day, Fab Gals!

Oh, V-Day. It’s funny how a day all about sugar can inspire so much bitterness. I’ve heard people joke that they only recognize “Singles’ Awareness Day” or “Sad and Alone Day.” Of course they’re just kidding – but then you don’t hear anyone teasing Thanksgiving! There are also people who seem to really hate the holiday. They say it’s too commercialized, puts too much pressure on people in relationships, or that we should celebrate love every day, not 1 in 365.

I’ve never been one of those people. I couldn’t possibly hate a day reserved for all of my favorite things: glitter, pink, roses, chocolate, and heart-shaped anything. And I don’t believe there’s anything wrong with making a day to celebrate love – in all its forms – a little louder than usual.

At least that’s how I usually feel. But this year… truthfully, I’ve been feeling like Sad-and-Alone, party of one.

I can remember being a little girl in Barbie PJs, dreaming about the day Prince Charming would come (I pictured him as B, the 5-year-old Romeo in my kindergarten class). Then, a few years later, I couldn’t wait to be old enough to have a BF and go to prom (as close as it gets to Cinderella dreams, right?).

That was all cute enough. But now… the feeling doesn't seem so adorable. I hate to even admit it, because it always seems like strong, confident girls aren’t supposed to care if they’re single. But I do.

Anyways, I imagined I could spend V-Day night curled up in bed, drowning my singleness in truffles, tears, and chick flicks. But the reality is, solo or no, I’m really, really lucky. I have so many Fab Guys in my life – my dad, my brother, my BGFs – who care for me, whom I have fun with, and most importantly, who let me be me. Ultimately, those are the qualities I want in a boyfriend. Someday. For now… I’ll just enjoy my time as one of the guys.

But that’s just my story. Wherever V-Day brings you, my chocolate-covered wish is that every day you get to do what you love, be who you love… and celebrate with the ones you love.

xoxo

The Fab Gal

Labels: advice, boys, confidence, dating, fab gal, girls, relationships, teens

Labels: advice, boys, dating, fab gal, girls, movies, moving on, relationships, teens

Reality stars aren't exactly known for having healthy relationships. I'm thinking of the bizarre showdown that is "The Bachelor" and pretty much any reality show involving a celebrity or housewife. But The Lo-Down, a dating guide by Lo Bosworth, proves that some stars are firmly grounded in... well, reality. The lovely chica of "Laguna Beach" and "The Hills" fame has put together a relationship how-to manual that is well-worth the read.

The Lo-Down is centered on The Golden Rule, which basically comes down to "if it doesn't work out with a guy, he is not the right guy for YOU, so ditch the misconception that you must not be right for HIM." It's a similar message to the one from the ever-popular He's Just Not That Into You (read: If he's not treating you right, don't waste your time), but softer. In fact, this book is a nice contrast, because it takes the power from the guy and gives it to you. That's what's also so fab about this book - Lo encourages you to believe in your worth and gives specific tips for building your confidence, like setting goals, volunteering, and making a Love List. While personally-focused, it's sensibly in keeping with the goal of the book, because Lo knows that when you believe in yourself, you'll be able to find and build a relationship where you're happy and treated right.

Another bonus: this book is equal parts solid advice and simple fun. It includes features such as insightful quizzes (think the ones from Quizfest or Cosmo, but more meaningful) and personal stories about herself and friends to back up her points. I also absolutely adored the list of the types of guys that fall into the categories of "Baddies" and "Goodies." Sure, it's generally best to avoid putting labels on anyone, boys included. But when you're dealing with the blurry vision that comes with crushes and broken hearts, Lo's categories help you see the hard facts of the situation. It's sooo much easier to step back, look around, and say "Oh, we've got a Can't-Commit Charlie on our hands" than it is to argue with the strong emotions you may have (and the sensitivity that comes with them).

Okay, before I conclude this gush-fest over the lovely Lo-Down, let me just point out that Lo gives helpful advice for every step of the relationship road, from the initial signs that a guy is into you, to moving on from the wrong one, and everything in-between, such as fun date ideas and recipes to make with or for your beau. The Lo-Down is an especially great read for girls between relationships ready for a new approach, but it could still be an enjoyable read if you're happily in one. Consider Lo your down-to-earth girlfriend with the advice you need to hear and a sweet shoulder to lean on.

xoxo

P.S. The Lo-Down website is currently in makeover mode, but you can pick up a copy of the book here.

Labels: books, boys, dating, fab gal, FG Approved, Lo Bosworth, relationships, self esteem, The Lo-Down

• Let the Music Play. Music has amazing powers. Maybe even more so than chocolate. You can always find a song that fits what you're feeling. It's an amazing thing to hear Taylor (or Miley or Ashley or whoever you love) sing your heart out. So find some tunes, close the door, and just listen.
• Keep Your Distance. After a big breakup or nasty fight, you can be fuming with things to say to that nasty so-and-so. But before you hit "send" or go banging down his door, wait. It probably won't help, and you need to give both of you a chance to clear your head. So hold onto those thoughts for a week. Then you'll know what you really want to say.
• Put Out the Fire. You've heard "Picture to Burn," right? Well, that can sound like a totally awesome and rebellious way to get him out of your system, fast. Pictures, lovey-dovey notes, his old sweatshirt... you want it all gone, and fast. But please, do this for me: hold onto a couple of those souvenirs. Someday, way, way down the road, you just might miss having a few memories from that someone who once meant a lot.
• Do it Your Way. Everyone has their own way of dealing with tough stuff. Some people like to journal, write songs, run, talk with friends, or spend some time alone. Or maybe even all of the above. Whatever works for you, do it. Give yourself time (and permission) to scream, cry, think and feel whatever you need to feel. It really will help you move on in the end.
• And, like always, Love Yourself. Break-ups suck. But don't ever beat yourself up for it, no matter what anyone says or does. Be thankful for the experience. When you're ready, life will move on with you. No matter how broken up you feel now, it really will be alright.

I mean, come on, you're a Fab Gal!

So, FGs, I want to know - how do you deal with break-ups? What advice would you give to a friend going through one? Leave a comment to share your FG tips!

xoxo

The Fab Gal

Labels: advice, boys, breakups, dating, fab gal, relationships, teens

Labels: advice, boys, dating, fab gal, relationships, teens

Labels: boys, dating, He's Just Not That Into You, relationships, the fab gal

Usually, I would say that's silly. We all have love in our lives, in some way our another. But even I was feeling the grudge this year. I fell into the single-girls trap of this holiday, thinking that since no boy will be sending me chocolates or roses that I'm obviously worthless in some way.

Labels: dating, fab gal, relationships, self esteem, teens, Valentine's Day

Hey FGs!

I don't know how much you pay attention to celebrity gossip, but there has been a lot of buzz about Miley Cyrus and her new bf. The 16-year-old is dating Justin Gaston, a singer/model who is 20 years old. Just as with anything that a celebrity does, there has been a lot of criticism - many are saying that he's way too old for her. Of course, I don't want to judge her or say she's a bad person, but I think this brings up an interesting question: How old is too old when it comes to boyfriends/girlfriends?

When you're an adult, it seems like age doesn't really matter. But when you're young, it seems like even just a few years can be a big deal. The rules seem to be more flexible in high school than in middle school. But still, when is the age difference okay, and where does it cross the line? Is 1 year okay, or 2 years? Does it matter if one of you is over 18? Or is it okay as long as your friends (or parents or siblings) say so?

Of course, the answer is complicated, and it probably depends a lot on the situation. Part of the difficulty is that if the age gap is large, the two of you are probably in completely different stages of life, which come with different issues, needs, and expectations. But if you are serious about making it work, there's a few things you can do: First off, be completely open with your parents about your relationship. They'll probably be worried at first, but they're parents, and that's their job. If you have to keep it hidden, it's probably not a good sign. Second, you will have to be prepared for people to be skeptical. If people don't get it, then it's best to just let it roll off -there's no need for you to change their mind. And finally - respect your limits. Dating someone older might seem really exciting, but there's no need to rush into anything.

xoxo

The Fab Gal

What's your take on girls dating older guys (or the other way around)? Leave a comment to let me know your thoughts.

Labels: age difference, dating, fab gal, girls, Miley Cyrus, relationships, teens

Labels: boys, communication, dating, fab gal, relationships

• Who asks out who? Does the boy have to do the asking, or is okay for girls to do it, too? Some think it's gutsy for a gal to ask the guy out for a change, but some say it's his job. When is it okay?
• Who pays on the date? Some are traditional, and prefer the boy at least offer to pay. Others think the gal should have the right to at least pay her share. Personally, I think it depends who did the asking, but you should always be polite and offer up your half.
• Is it okay to date more than one person? At my school, you usually are either in a relationship or not. Of course, once you are exclusive, dating around is cheating. But in the early stages, is it okay to be seeing a few different people?
• When is it Facebook-official? You can't deny it - putting your relationship (or break-up) on Facebook or Myspace is a big deal. For some couples, that is the defining moment, because everyone will be talking. I give kudos to some chicas I know that decided not to put that on their profile at all. But when do you decide the relationship is Facebook-ready?
• How much is too much? PDA (Public Displays of Affection) are a big no-no for some. But how much is okay? Where is the limit - holding hands, kissing on the cheek? You should have a limit somewhere. It may not bug you, but it may be weird for people around you!

So those are the biggies. It doesn't really matter if you follow the more traditional rules of dating or if you have a set of your own. It's important to stick with what you're comfortable with, but give the boys a break - they're still learning the game!

Let me know where you stand, either here or at fabgalsite@gmail.com.

xoxo

The Fab Gal

Labels: boys, dating, fab gal, relationships