"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." - Marilyn Monroe
Whether you're a single lady or happily Facebook-official with someone, it's good to know in your mind what real, true love looks - or sounds! - like to you. I think I found something that does that for me. One of my BFLs (that's Bestie for Life) shared a video with me by the poet Rudy Francisco. He has a few super-sweet poems, but this one, called "The First Time You Said Hello," absolutely melts my heart.
As V-Day approaches, remember to look for (and create!) the kind of relationship you deserve. What I wish for you is that you find someone who adores you for you and wants to be part of your life through the good and the bad... because I know you would do that much and more for them.
xoxo
The Fab Gal
What's something that epitomizes your idea of love? A song, a movie, a picture, a real couple you know? Share in the comments below!
Just wanted to give you an update on something very Fab going on in the news world today. On the Today morning news show, hosts Kathie Lee Gifford and Hoda Kotb decided to host a "No Make-Up Zone." The two ladies hosted the entire show au naturel - no make-up whatsoever! It was awesome to see two Fab women stand up for real beauty and bare their "flaws" on national television (they looked beautiful just as they are, of course). If you missed it, check out this vid:
What do you think of the "No Make-Up Zone"? Would you like to see more celebs go make-up free? Do you need make-up to feel comfortable? Leave a comment to share your thoughts!
This is how absolutely confusing the diet/fashion world can be: I cracked open the new issue of Teen Vogue, and the Letter from the Editor was called "Heavy Stuff." It was talking about teen obesity, and said that "only about one percent of women in this country are anorexic. . . while obesity looms as perhaps our greatest national health crisis." So basically, she was saying that the real issue that needs to be worried about is teens being too big, not too small. Now, just on the very same page, one of the pictures showed two models described as "born beanpoles" skipping down the beach in swimsuits.
And I just don't think that you can say one of these weighty issues is more important than the other, or really even separate them out. Eating disorders can be harmful, and obesity can be a problem, too. But I think all of this crazy-focus, both on model bodies and on weight gain, can take things a little out of control. It's like we're on a national weight obsession, which can make managing your own changing body like walking through dynamite.
Your body is really your personal property. I think it is so hard to remember that when you turn on the TV or open a magazine, and all the body talk jumps out - Look at her! Eat this and be healthy! Be your best weight! - buy your body is absolutely and completely yours. Always remember that. At the end of the day, nobody can tell you how to look at it dress it, feed it or take care of it - it's all for you.
We may have never had royalty in this country, the USA. But these days celebrities are getting closer and closer. Not so much in they way they act. I mean, sure, they do make lots and lots of money, and go to fancy events in beautiful gowns and jewels. But I don't think that is so much the problem as the power we think celebrity holds.
Like the other day, I was watching TV and this guy was talking about "everyday heroes" and why we should only look up to "real people" (Susan Boyle being one of them). I get what he was saying - our best role models are often people we know. But I think we often use those words too much -"real people." Like, these are "real people" and these are "celebrities." See what I'm saying? We act like celebrities aren't even humans. It's true that many of them have worked themselves into (what seems to be) very extravagant, extraordinary lives. But they're still people.
The reason I think this is a problem is that we see the glamorous, beautiful pictures of these non-humans and we like less-than. It's like their lives have some unreachable fabulocity that we won't ever have. We are just normal people with normal lives and normal, normal everything.
Just keep that in mind next time you see a glam red-carpet shot and you wish you were more like your favorite star. Because, believe it or not, her problems might equally real. And even more, your life might be equally fabulous. We're all just people.
It's just about died down now, but there was a whole lot of buzz - both on YouTube and the news - about Britain's Got Talent "shocker" Susan Boyle People were not only surprised because the girl has a voice - it seemed everyone was amazed that someone who looks like she does, whatever that means, can actually sing well.
It's not like she doesn't deserve the praise. She does. I mean, that girl can sing! But it just seems to me that she hasn't been given it the way she deserves. It's almost like a back-handed compliment. Like, "Wow, we saw you and thought you would be terrible. But you're not. Good for you!" Um, ouch? It kind of puts us in a difficult position - it seems nice, but it's almost perpetuating the stereotype that pop stars have to look a certain way, or even that people with talent must fit one definition of beauty. Actually, in ways it's like what happened with Jessica Simpson. What on earth does her body size have to do with her voice?
Of course, it's impossible to take looks or our bodies completely out of the equation. But I think it's better to look at people - and yourself - as a whole package. Yes, our bodies are important. But that's only one piece of it. They can change. Whether Susan was having a good hair day or a bad one - that doesn't need to be the focus. She's a whole person. We need to appreciate all parts of someone.
In case you don't know, Meghan is the daughter of John McCain, a former candidate for president. After speaking out about her opinion on some political issues in the Republican Party, another woman, Laura Ingraham, snapped back, including some comments about Meghan's weight. But that just seemed so... icky. I guess we come to expect that kind of talk about celebrities, but it seems like when grown-up women are talking politics, it is so strange.
I think it just highlights how desensitized "fat talk" becomes, like anyone's weight is fair game. It gets to the place where we make being skinny equal to being beautiful, popular, or smart. And that's not good. I think it's even harder, when you're just a regular girl, and you see women who are rich, talented, smart, and on top of all that, gorgeous, getting torn down for their weight.
Anyways, where am I going with all of this? Well, I guess what I wanted to say is that I don't like where this story shows we might be going. And I'm guessing I'm not the only one. And the only place to start is with yourself. Learn to accept and take care of your own beauty, body, and soul. That's the only way we can become more aware - positivity is infectious. It's time we step up and be the FGs we know we are. Because we are all worth it.
Have you seen the videos from the Dove Campaign for Real Beauty? Well, you should! I especially love this one, so I wanted to share it with you. It's called "Evolution."
Isn't that crazy? I don't know, I guess I just had no idea that models don't even look like the girls we see in magazines - it's not even real. It makes you rethink the way you see those images - and they way you see beauty. . If you want to check out some more of the Dove films, click over to their website. "Onslaught" and "Amy" are really good too!
Models are, like, really skinny. Duh. We all know that. But let me put it in numbers for you: The average model is about 5'11" and 117 pounds. The average woman is 5'4" and 140 pounds (which is not fat). How does that make the average woman feel? Now this is even more crazy - if Barbie were a person, she wouldn't be able to stand up, or even survive. Her body wouldn't have room for her whole liver. I don't know my biology, but I'm pretty darn sure you need a liver.
You know, I always kind of questioned how much the media really affects us. I mean, we all know models are too skinny. We know that's not real. But then there's this survey that Dove did, and only 2% of women would call themselves "beautiful." Woah. And thinking of all the women I know, these women are so wrong - at least 99.999% of them are.
It's just a really sad place to be - sure, looks aren't the only thing, I know. But that's 98% of the women out there waking up every day thinking they're not beautiful women, when they so totally are. And if you let yourself think you're not beautiful, what else will you let yourself believe?
It just makes me want to go scream to all those women, "Please, you are so beautiful! Don't hold waste it - enjoy it!" There's so many wonderful things you deserve, and so many great things you should experience. Since I can't tell them all, I will tell you, FG: Don't hold yourself back. No You're not Barbie. You're better. You're a real beauty. That's too much to waste.
I have been so fascinated lately by all the talk going on about Jessica Simpson, and the recent photographs that everyone seems to have a comment on. Her outfit has been bashed, and her body picked apart and labeled - everything from "curvy" to "fat."
Normally, I would say it's just best to stay away from this kind of media and the nasty body talk. It just perpetuates our ideas about beauty, weight, and what's considered acceptable to say about other people. But I'll admit - I've been obsessed, clicking on every Jessica link I've seen (believe me, there are quite a few!). It's just so strange. We always say that we are so over the skinny thing, and everyone tears apart the stick-thin celebs. But if someone does look normal, whether or not she has gained weight, everyone feels they have the right to call her a pig. No wonder we are all so confused about beauty.
But as I was on my celebrity gossip frenzy, I found on article on Us Magazine's website. They talked about her "new curves" in some back-handed way to seem nice. But when I scrolled to the bottom, so many people had left comments. And most of them were talking back. They said things about how she looked beautiful the way she is, but that it really isn't our right in the first place to decide what her body should look like. And I am so glad these people chose to say (or type) what they did.
You see, you can try to stay away from the negative media all you want. But sooner or later, you have to face it. So I think the better approach is to face it - and speak up when you see something you don't like. Things won't go away just because you ignore them. Now, I understand that speaking up may not change the way the media works. But it will give you the power to have your own voice and make your own decisions about what beauty means to you. And that's beautiful in itself.
I have always been a magazine reader - Seventeen, Teen, GirlsLife, you name it. Some and my cousin were shocked and disappointed by this headline: CosmoGIRL! magazine is shutting down for good. And with the future of many of my teen mag faves looking a little shaky (since everyone is switching to Internet these days), it's made me think a little about the impact these magazines have had on the teen world.
You see, a few years back, I did a project for English class about the effects of the media on women, especially teens. And so I went through and counted the amounts of ads, especially those with unrealistically thin models. I don't know the exact numbers, but I remember it was pretty darn high. And you might be thinking, Well, I don't really pay attention to the ads, I just read the articles. But sometimes those surprise me too - or at least the covers do. Like I realized recently when I looked at a past issue of Seventeen that 5 of the 8 were about clothes or beauty. And I do love the beauty articles, but I just think that the headlines of being a teen are so much more than that.
I'm not trying to bite the hand that feeds me - I'll admit that I turn to magazines for advice on just about everything. And I love that. But someone once told me it's important to be aware of what you're consuming, because then it doesn't affect you so much. So keep an eye out - what kind of messages and images about beauty are you taking in every day? Where do they come from? Do you agree or disagree? Being an aware consumer will help you seek out sources that have a positive message - and might just change your whole attitude.
Yesterday, when I was out shopping, I just had to pick up a mag with Britney Spears on the cover. I try not to be too celeb-addicted, but at least it wasn't a trashy tabloid. I was just so excited to see her looking happy and healthy after all of the press that was out about her struggles the past year or so. Struggles that were well-documented b the paparazzi, waiting to see what she would do next. In fact, her music got very little attention compared to her personal life. It makes me wonder - why do we give more attention to people with drama?
One FG was telling me recently about what it had been like starting a new school this year. While it was mostly going really well, she said she felt like she got a lot less attention than the girls who caused all the drama. They were often fighting with their friends, or having an issue with some guy - and people wanted to know about it, talk to them, and be in on the action. Obviously not the same as what went on with Britney Spears, but think how little news coverage other stars, like Christina Aguilera or Reese Witherspoon, received in comparison for their highly successful careers but relatively normal lives.
I'm not exactly sure how or why things work out this way. I guess we just want a story - we want juicy gossip, we want excitement. But it certainly puts our values in the wrong place. It's almost like it's better to be a little wild child or drama queen so you can be noticed. But it's not worth it, and it won't make you feel happy with yourself. The good news is this - if you work hard at your talents, embrace your unique abilities, and choose to lead a life without drama, people will eventually notice. Take Beyoncé, America Ferrara, or Ashley Tisdale for example. Believe me, the respect and positive attention is totally worth the wait.
So I opened this week's Time magazine, and there it was: "The Truth About Teen Girls." Uh-oh, I guess they figured us out. Another article about how we have gotten so bad, so sexy, so fast. We've all heard it - teen girls are all dressing hot and having sex and generally messing up.
Most people seem to agree - blame it on the media. Even the media blames it on the media. It's shows like Gossip Girl and The Hills and celebrities like Miley Cyrus and Jamie Lynn Spears - all over the place, making a bad influence, they say. It's everywhere, sure. But is it everything? I'm not convinced.
It's like this - there's a huge 4-page spread about what's happened to us bad girls, filled with references to and a picture of Miley's infamous Vogue shoot. But then, in a small corner of page 54, there's a different story, by Miley herself, about the importance of service. In fact, she's having her Sweet 16 birthday party at Disneyland with Youth Service America, which supports young volunteers. I had never heard about that. And that's exactly the point.
The media may be filled with naughty shows and celebrity gossip, but there is also so much time devoted to talking about how bad it is and how bad teens are now because of all this bad stuff. And on a smaller scale, what's up with Miley is what's up with the rest of teen girl America. Sure, we make mistakes. And maybe there are some girls who have gone just a little too far. But what about all the amazing things girls are doing now? I know plenty of talented girls, athletes and volunteers and smart cookies and good friends. What about that epidemic? That's not interesting enough, I guess. It's like a cycle - the media talks about all these bad girls and then that's all we focus on and then they talk about how that's all we talk about. It's kinda silly.
Anyways, I guess what you see isn't always what you get. I know how Fab you are, FGs. Keep shining - they'll get it someday.
Do teens have too much power over culture? You're probably thinking: Um, heck no! But think about the amazing careers that some of the Disney stars have had over the last year. Not only is it cool for them, it's cool for us, because without us, it wouldn't have happened for them. Know what I mean?
But some people, silly adults I guess, are saying that we have too much power. I was reading this article in USA Weekend, called the "The Secret Power of Teens," and they basically called us out for having no respect for elders an for always expecting to get what we want. In their eyes, we are the "My Decade," as in Myspace, my phone, my stuff.
So maybe that's a little bit true. But you know what's totally awesome? We do have power - and we can use it for good. And I don't just mean voting for the Choice Hottie in the Teen Choice Awards. I think seeing teens we can relate to, like Miley Cyrus, Taylor Swift, or even the Jonas Brothers, reminds us that teens can actually do something. More than just get up, go to school, and get homework. Writing to you has proved that to me, and I seriously hope you come across something that can prove it to you. We can do so much, y'all!
So remember FGs, you deserve to have nice things and a million Facebook friends, but don't take it too far, okay? Gotta have a little R-E-S-P-E-C-T. And the most important power is the one that is unique to you. But you already knew all that...
One of my friends at MainStreet shared this video with me, so now I am sharing it with you! Check it out:
Pretty interesting, huh? I think as teens, we always feel a little overlooked. But actually, we have more extra spending money than any other age group. So as far as the marketing world is concerned, we are pretty darn important!
At the same time, I always feel funny about being the target of advertising. Of course some types of ads are completely offensive. I'm so over the super-skinny, barely-dressed girls selling everything from underwear to toothpaste. And some diet ads are pretty ridiculous (10 lbs. in 5 minutes? Doubtful.). On the other hand, if being an important target group means that they make the products we want, isn't marketing good?
What they say in the video is so true - we want to be trendy, but still maintain individuality. Personalized shoes. Customized soda. All made just for us. Hey, if they're falling at our feet to please us, why not?
So I think you just need to remember, Fab Gals, that you are being marketed to all the time. Everywhere you go. You certainly aren't going to buy it all, nor do you need to believe it all. But hey, if they want to make special stuff just for us? Yes please!
So I think we all know how the media is: there is always some big, hyped-up story, that everyone is talking about for a moment until it becomes, well, yesterday's news. And lately everybody is talking about teen pregnancy - specifically, girls that have gotten pregnant on purpose. I think we've all heard about the alleged pregnancy pact in Massachusetts by now. But the weird thing is, a lot of people, experts even, are blaming it on Hollywood. With Jamie Lynn Spears' pregnancy, Juno, and a lot of stars like Angelina Jolie having babies, they says girls are picking up on it like the latest "it" bag. Personally, I think that's giving Hollywood way to much credit and teen girls way too little.
Sure, we all fall into celebrity trends from time to time. I had a few Britney Spears and Jennifer Aniston haircuts long ago, and I've been thinking of going plaid ever since I saw Vanessa Hudgens on the new CosmoGIRL!. Maybe we do try to emulate our fave celebs, but I don't think it goes much further than physical traits. Yea, Jamie Lynn is really popular these days, and Juno was totally cute, but do we really admire them based on their pregnant bellies? I'm not buying it.
It's a funny thought, since being a pregnant teen is such a social stigma, that girls would want to be pregnant. I could bore you with all the parental stats about graduation rates and the physical side effects, but we all know that worst part is the gossip and the major damage to your reputation. Even still, there are girls that want to go through with it. Maybe they just want love - from a baby, from their shaky boyfriend. Maybe it seems like a way to get stability, or attention, who knows. Reality check: becoming a mom is really hard, and it definitely won't solve your relationships. If you're boyfriend doesn't know your a Fab Gal, find someone new!
Anyways, I guess my point was this: girls are smart. Yea, we envy celebrities, but it stops and the fashion (and maybe their cute bf, too!). When we do something drastic, there's a deeper problem there. C'mon, Fab Gals are not shallow!
But what is your opinion, FGs? Do you think it's a trend? Have you known a teen that got pregnant on purpose" Let me know by posting a comment or by e-mail at fabgalsite@gmail.com.
So I try my best to stay aways from the celebrity gossip scene, because I know how nasty and (mostly) untrue it is.But there was one recent piece that caught my attention:the Miley Cyrus photos.There was the infamous Vogue shoot, but even before that there were some silly pictures of her and her friends at a slumber party.After the first set, people labeled her as gross, inappropriate, and a lesbian.Then after the Vogue pics, outrage ensued – and people were calling to have her kicked of Hannah Montana.
What this made me wonder is this:Why are we so angry?Sure, over the past year, Miley has become a role model for millions of young girls, and I think for the most part she has been a stellar one.But she also a 15 year-old, a living, breathing teenage girl.She won’t get it right all the time.But we put celebrities at this super-high level, like they’re our Barbie dolls, or the cool kids we’ll never be.Then when they fall down, it’s hard to remember that they really aren’t part of a different world.Maybe it’s jealousy, maybe it’s our expectations for ourselves, whatever – but it’s not fair.
Then when parents started calling for her to be removed from her own show, I was stunned.Of course, they were worried about what kind of example she was setting for their daughters, but what message would it send if they kicked her off?That if you mess up, that’s it – no second chances?I’ll be perfectly honest:I know that somewhere, in the messy corners of my closet, that I too have some silly, goofy photos from slumber parties past that yea, okay, I would be really embarrassed if anyone saw.But that doesn’t make me a bad girl, and I would like to think that no one would respect me any less if they got into the wrong hands.
Fab Gals are bound to mess up, but they know that it’s all about handling your mistakes with style and class.Miley proved her Fab Gal status – she apologized to whomever she offended, learned her lesson, and moved on.Case closed.
What do you think Fab Gal, do we put too much pressure on young celebs?How would you want to be treated if you were in Miley’s position?How do you handle your slip-ups?
Let me know what you thinkFGs, and check back tomorrow for the countdown of my top 10 fave Fab Gals.
xoxo
The Fab Gal
P.S. - Below is a video of the Miley & Mandy show, Miley Cyrus’s Youtube web show with her BFF.Totally unrelated, but it’s fun to see what two Fab Gals will do with a camera…
Do you believe everything you see?Or rather, do you buy everything you are sold?The media is a powerful thing, and unless you’ve been living in a cave, it’s pretty much unavoidable.TV, billboards, magazines, those signs on the side of the bus – they’re everywhere, 24/7.And they’re always selling something.As much as I’d love to believe that we don’t buy into it all – the diet pills and the waif-y models – we must, because otherwise the selling would stop.
Well there is a new movement against all of that – Time magazine calls it body activism, or a type of civil disobedience against the nasty media.High school and college girls have been participating in a program called the Body Project, with a high success rate at preventing eating disorders.They talk about and critique the images they have been sold, but here is the intriguing part:they have to come up with some type of nonviolent act against the media they disprove of, like leaving body-love notes in the diet books at a bookstore or writing letters to Mattel about Barbies.
Since I’m always one to stir up some good trouble, I had to try it for myself.On a recent afternoon shopping trip, I pulled out my pen and notepad and headed to Barnes & Noble.I wrote out just a few notes, like “You are too beautiful to waste life dieting,” and when the coast was clear I snuck over to the Diet section (btw – I’m not sure why I was sneaking around, since it’s obviously not illegal.It just felt like I was breaking some sort of code, like “The Media” is the Godfather that’s always watching).Anyways, I decided to find the trashiest diet books possible, and was shocked to find how easy it was.They were everywhere – the “Fat Flush Diet,” the “Hot Latin Diet,” the “Skinny Bitch Diet.”None of them sounded healthy or normal, or very nice for that matter.It was a little sad to think, Are we that desperate to be thin that we are going to buy into something that doesn’t even sound healthy?And what does the Skinny Bitch know that I don’t?
So if you need a reality check, I would definitely recommend this exercise.It’s eye-opening to see what we have been buying into.
But what do YOU think Fab Gal?Is the media to blame for our negative body images?What have you been sold that you really don’t want to believe in? Most importantly, how do we change it?
I’d love to hear from you FGs, and as always I can be reached at fabgalsite@gmail.com.
