"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." - Marilyn Monroe
Whenever I get a new magazine, I don't open it right away. I save it. I am so excited, and hopeful about what's going to be on the inside, that I wait - just so I can hold on to that feeling a little bit longer.
You know, it's kind the same thing with the student government going on at my school right now. There's one group that's running a campaign with only one promise: to fix a sidewalk. They say that they know it is boring, but at least they can promise that they will get it done. That seemed realistic enough, right? But then they've gone on and on, tearing down the other group for making promises that they may not be able to keep. Okay. But then I heard this other group speak. And I liked what their goals - more recycling bins, more social events. It doesn't seem that hard. Do I really have to believe it's not possible?
I don't know. It seems like we so often think that being cynical means you're being realistic. And it's true - having no hopes at all is the surest way to keep your heart from breaking, to keep from being disappointed. "Our only limits to our realization of tomorrow will be our doubts of today." Franklin D. Roosevelt said that. Or more simply, "Life's what you make it, so let's make it rock!" Doubting doesn't make more things happen, it just means you won't try any more than you have to.
Sometimes (too much) I lose faith. In myself. My life. We all do. But I don't think you can really truly live without being a dreamer. You can. But your world won't be as colorful maybe. I spent 30 minutes getting ready for a guy I talked to for 5 minutes about the weather. And I love that. In fact, I wish I could have more of that. Bottle it up and use it everyday. Because yes, your dreams have to have some basis in reality. And when you work them up too much, reality can be a little disappointing. But I think in the long run, a hopeful life is infinitely more kind and beautiful.
And maybe, just maybe, you'll get those happily-ever-afters every once in a while.
I met a pretty amazing woman the other day at a presentation. She had been a bulimic for 23 years, and she's been recovered for the last 2. After working for years for a weight-loss company and a cosmetics brand, she now has made it her career to help people see their bueaty on the inside and out.
What I liked most was that her motto was "Be Real... Be True... Be You... Head 2 Toe!" That phrase, while quite simple, was powerful enough to get her where she is now on her journey. I've always thought that words could do a lot, and I started thinking that everyone should have their own Power Phrase. Something that can get you through tough times, but also can make you inspired. Like "HakunaMatata."
So of course I've been trying to pick one out for myself. It's tough. I like "What would you do if you knew you were fabulous?" That's pretty long though. "Just Do It" is pretty good, but taken. I kind of like "Live Beautifully." But maybe I'll keep thinking on it. Anyways, I think that if you can find a Power Phrase - even if it's a borrowed quote that you really like - keep it with you. Tape it in your notebook, write it on your mirror - and don't you forget it!
So I think today's blog is going to be kinda short and sweet. But I realized something today, and I think it is the most simple thing you can do to show kindness: Make someone a priority.
Life moves fast, and we all want to keep up with it. Food, music, cars - it's all fast. And that's not all bad. But sometimes, when we're in a hurry to get everywhere and know everyone, we don't pay attention to the things, or more importantly - the people, that are right around us.
So I think one of the best things you can do for someone is to just be there. Like, really be there. Really listen. Make whoever your with your priority in that moment. It will make them feel special. And how fabulous will that make you feel? Pretty fab, I bet.
Models are, like, really skinny. Duh. We all know that. But let me put it in numbers for you: The average model is about 5'11" and 117 pounds. The average woman is 5'4" and 140 pounds (which is not fat). How does that make the average woman feel? Now this is even more crazy - if Barbie were a person, she wouldn't be able to stand up, or even survive. Her body wouldn't have room for her whole liver. I don't know my biology, but I'm pretty darn sure you need a liver.
You know, I always kind of questioned how much the media really affects us. I mean, we all know models are too skinny. We know that's not real. But then there's this survey that Dove did, and only 2% of women would call themselves "beautiful." Woah. And thinking of all the women I know, these women are so wrong - at least 99.999% of them are.
It's just a really sad place to be - sure, looks aren't the only thing, I know. But that's 98% of the women out there waking up every day thinking they're not beautiful women, when they so totally are. And if you let yourself think you're not beautiful, what else will you let yourself believe?
It just makes me want to go scream to all those women, "Please, you are so beautiful! Don't hold waste it - enjoy it!" There's so many wonderful things you deserve, and so many great things you should experience. Since I can't tell them all, I will tell you, FG: Don't hold yourself back. No You're not Barbie. You're better. You're a real beauty. That's too much to waste.
I went and saw He's Just Not That Into You just about a week before Valentine's Day. And after seeing it, I was curious about the book, so I checked it out. Now, the guy giving the advice in this book is very straightforward. Blunt. Maybe even a little rigid. I mean, after each girl's story about her guy dilemma he says the very same thing: You shouldn't lower your standards. Don't take any "excuse." Don't wait around for him. Why? He's just not that into you.
But as I was reading it, I thought, Okay, now that's got to be a little extreme. I mean, aren't girls allowed to be bold, ask the guy out? Isn't it a good thing to be patient? Hey, I've done those things before. And I certainly didn't think I was lowering my standards. Then again...none of those things really worked out.
And today, I got this weird text from a guy I kinda liked at the beginning of the year. It was a little mean. Well, at least I felt bad when I read it. At first I thought, What's so wrong with me that I attract guys like this? Then I started to feel guilty, like maybe I really had done something wrong, and this is my fault, I really should have been more sensitive.
Woah, girl. That's where I stopped and realized what Greg (that's the author) was talking about. I deserve better. I do not deserve to be made to feel bad or guilty or like I'm the one with the problem. Where does he think a relationship would go from that? So, I don't know, I really wouldn't call myself the relationship expert. But I guess I just think you always need to go with that gut check, and remember that if you feel wrong, that's probably not how it's supposed to go. Relationships are for boosting you up. So "He's just not that into you"? Honey, please. Try "I'm just not that into him."
So I just went to see Confessions of a Shopaholic this weekend. Loved it! So cute. Most of all, I loved the main girl, Rebecca - she was so sweet, and crazy, and fashion-obsessed. . . and really bad at following her own good advice. And that made her so real.
In the movie, Rebecca is a writer who dishes out financial help that people can actually follow, while she herself is stuck in major debt. When she got caught, people thought she was just a big phony. But I don't think she was at all. In fact, I think a lot of us are like this. I think we so often know what the right answers are, and if a friend asked for our help, we could come up with a clear solution. So why can't we take our own advice?
I think maybe it's a matter of really believing in yourself. Think about if a gal pal came up and asked you if you thought she should maybe go on a diet and lose some weight. You would probably say No Way! You would probably then remind her how beautiful you think she is, and tell her she is too great to deserve to waste her time, trying to change who she is. But what about yourself? If you were feeling that way, could you look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself those things?
Or maybe it's not a matter of having faith in yourself, but just being too close - like standing too close to a painting to really see how it all works together. Maybe when we have a problem, it's time to take a step back, look in, and realize you're good enough for your own advice too.
When did Valentine's Day stop being fun? Sometime after passing out candy valentines to classmates, it seems like people really don't like this holiday very much. If you do have a bf, then you have to figure out a gift. And if you don't? It's taken as a bad reminder that you're single.
Usually, I would say that's silly. We all have love in our lives, in some way our another. But even I was feeling the grudge this year. I fell into the single-girls trap of this holiday, thinking that since no boy will be sending me chocolates or roses that I'm obviously worthless in some way.
But as I was making little cards for my friends, I opened one of those Dove chocolates with the messages inside. It said - "Be your own Valentine." And I thought, Hey, thank you very much! It's cheesy, but it was exactly what I needed to hear, now more than ever. I got so caught up, thinking like everyone else that it's bad to be single, that I forgot my #1 relationship rule: You need to love yourself, first.
So I'm thinking now my V-day plans are gonna go something like this: Get up. Goof off with my girls. Go sledding. Catch up on The Bachelor. Start that journal I've been meaning to get around to. Remember what I would really like in a relationship, besides just having one. And for the first time, in a long time, just appreciate how I am, right now.
So wherever, however, and with whomever you celebrate this year - respect yourself and what makes you so lovely. When you give yourself love, it's a whole lot easier to share it.
You know, I've been told before how much people's attitudes can affect you. Surround yourself with positive people, they say. And I always though, yeah, I guess that makes sense, but how does it really work out? And I think now I really get it.
See, I have a friend who is very. . . strongly opinionated. She has absolutely no problem telling anyone how she feels. But one day, she was going on and on about a fight she had, and she kept telling me how stupid and mean the other girl was. I was trying to just listen, but I seriously was about to snap. Later that night, I coudn't help but complain to another friend about how much that attitude was drove me crazy. I was continuing the cycle.
Then, on the flipside, I got a really nice e-mail from a friend telling me what a great job I did on a something I wrote. It made me feel so good, I e-mailed another classmate offering to help her on her project. Then, I was sent a note from another friend, talking about what a wonderful week she was having, me being a part of it, and I thought, Goodness, that makes me feel so great! How can I share that feeling with someone else?
So that's how I think it works - positivity, negativity - it's like a chain reaction. Like when you find good music or good food and you can't help but share it with someone else. And I'm sure it's a good thing to try to surround yourself with positive people. But one place to start is to see how you can be that positive person and share it, even in a small way.
This is a topic I've probably covered before, but I will come back to it again and again, because I'm still learning it too: "mindful eating." What is that? Pretty simply, it means listening to your own body to decide when and what to eat - not judging your wants or hunger by a calorie count, celebrity diet, or even a friend.
It's so funny, because this is really a process of unlearning - our bodies intuitively know what they need, but culturally it becomes more standard to follow someone else's rules, as if they know what's right. There's this gum commercial right now that is a perfect example - a woman is standing in front of the cookie counter, but then decides she "shouldn't" have one, so she chews a stick of sugar-free gum instead. Who told her that cookies are "bad" foods? If you want one, you can have one.
Beyond the influence of media, I catch myself following my friends too. If I hear them talk about bad foods or things they shouldn't eat, I keep that in mind. And I always seem to try not to eat more than they do. It's not like they would really care, or say anything about it. It just seems safer.
And you know what? There's no need to follow anyone's rules. Because who knows better than you what you need? The fact is, nobody. And it can be a great challenge to tune out all of those rules, especially if they've become a seemingly "natural" way for you - believe me, I know. But once you can start to turn them down, you can listen more carefully to the one who really knows best: you.
I have been so fascinated lately by all the talk going on about Jessica Simpson, and the recent photographs that everyone seems to have a comment on. Her outfit has been bashed, and her body picked apart and labeled - everything from "curvy" to "fat."
Normally, I would say it's just best to stay away from this kind of media and the nasty body talk. It just perpetuates our ideas about beauty, weight, and what's considered acceptable to say about other people. But I'll admit - I've been obsessed, clicking on every Jessica link I've seen (believe me, there are quite a few!). It's just so strange. We always say that we are so over the skinny thing, and everyone tears apart the stick-thin celebs. But if someone does look normal, whether or not she has gained weight, everyone feels they have the right to call her a pig. No wonder we are all so confused about beauty.
But as I was on my celebrity gossip frenzy, I found on article on Us Magazine's website. They talked about her "new curves" in some back-handed way to seem nice. But when I scrolled to the bottom, so many people had left comments. And most of them were talking back. They said things about how she looked beautiful the way she is, but that it really isn't our right in the first place to decide what her body should look like. And I am so glad these people chose to say (or type) what they did.
You see, you can try to stay away from the negative media all you want. But sooner or later, you have to face it. So I think the better approach is to face it - and speak up when you see something you don't like. Things won't go away just because you ignore them. Now, I understand that speaking up may not change the way the media works. But it will give you the power to have your own voice and make your own decisions about what beauty means to you. And that's beautiful in itself.
So I have been working on this really interesting project lately. See, I'm part of this peer education group at my school, and we each have to write out our own "life story," as far as food and body drama. When we're done, we have to share them with the group. I have yet to share mine, but many girls in the group have. And when we got started, I remember looking around the group and thinking, These girls are so cool and confident. There's no way been there, or felt bad about their bodies. And I was so wrong. In fact, they had all been there, some to the far extremes. I couldn't believe it.
Then this weekend, I was having a girls' night with some FGs from my school. We were sharing silly date stories, and someone brought up first kisses. Well, I haven't had mine yet (shh!). I was trying to keep quiet, but then A turned to me and said, "What was yours like?" "Me? Oh well, you know, it. . . hasn't happened yet." And she yelled, "Oh my gosh, me neither!" Once again, I was so surprised. I thought I knew her so well. She is so outgoing, fun - everybody loves her. But there she was, hiding the same silly secret as me.
Sometimes people can catch you off guard - even when you think someone's life seems "so perfect" compared to you, they might be more like you than you think. I realized that I have been carrying all of my insecurities around like scars, as if everyone could see them. And I've let myself feel like less because of it. But you know what? I wouldn't think less of those FGs, because in spite of whatever they are still pretty darn fabulous. Don't hold yourself back, because you just might be more fab than you think.
