"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." - Marilyn Monroe
So last week I think I mentioned what a good thing journaling can be. It really is an awesome way to get things out or sort through your own thoughts before talking to someone else. It's also great when you just have awesome memories you want to save. If you're not sure how to start, here are a few suggestions:
What Did You Do Today? - So maybe it really annoys you when your mom asks this. But going through it yourself can get it off your mind if you're stressed, and you may come across some things you were too busy to notice.
Happy List - I've read before that it's really good to reflect on the good things that happen to you, to help you see more of the positive. So even if you're thinking how awful of a day it was, what was good? Did you get a nice compliment? Have your fave thing for lunch? There's got to be something, and thinking about those things will make you feel better.
Free Thought - Once you get used to journaling, you'll be more in tune with your thoughts. Try writing down everything that comes into your head, just as it does. You'll be surprised what you've got in there!
Collage - If words aren't your thing, that's cool. Actually, half of my journals are just things I cut out of magazines I thought were interesting or song lyrics that matched how I was feeling that day. Whatever works for you is good.
There's no one way to do it when it comes to journaling. It doesn't need to be perfect - really, you don't even need to worry about punctuation! I bet you didn't know that Meg Cabot's journals inspired The Princess Diaries series. Who knows what inspiration journaling will give you?
I was flipping through one of my many magazines a while back, and I was struck by this ad. It had a picture of this cute, healthy-looking girl slurping on a smoothie, and next to her was a list of what she had for lunch. Random. But then in the corner, there was a little note, and it said this: "Eat what you want - when you are truly hungry. Stop when you're full. And eat exactly what appeals to you. Do this instead of any diet, and you are unlikely to ever have a weight problem, let a lone an eating disorder." (The ad was for the National Eating Disorders Association, a stellar group BTW).
But it made me think, Duh! Shouldn't it always be that simple? Maybe for some it is. But if you're someone that's ever had an eating disorder or been an obsessive dieter or have even just been really mad at your body, it isn't easy at all. I bounced back and forth for a while between loving to eat and barely eating at all. Especially when I barely ate, I thought about food constantly. How many calories are in this? How much do I need to work out to burn that off? It's all very calculated and controlled for someone with that kind of problem. I think "disorder" is a funny word for it, because it's very much about order and control.
The strange part of it all is your body really does know, you've just got to listen. I know I've said this before, but kids are the most intuitive eaters in the world - just watch. If you've had any struggles with eating at all, I encourage you to a) talk to someone b)stop trying to be in control and just let go. Your body will know what to do. It can be hard to get back to doing things the easy way. Harder than anyone can imagine. But it will definitely pay off in the long run. Please, what Fab Gal wants to spend her life dieting? We've got better things to do.
So in another effort to get rid of any summer boredom, I present this week's top 10: quizzes. My friends and I love taking these. I know they're so silly, but they can be really fun, and sometimes pretty insightful. And sometimes way off. These are my faves:
About 6 years ago, I was obsessed with Crossroads. You know, that Britney Spears movie? It's okay - you can laugh. Point is, at the beginning of the movie, these three BFFs make a box with their memories and their goals for the future, and then they bury it, and agree to open it on a special date.
So me and my two BFFS, L and M, decided we should do it too. I don't remember much of its contents, but I know for sure I put in a CD because I wanted to be the next Britney Spears. L wanted to be an actress, and M wanted to be a marine biologist. We decided that we would open it at midnight on July 4, 2008. It's been 3 weeks since that day... and we still can't find it.
When we made the box, I remember thinking about what my life would be like now. Now, looking back, I wonder if I would be disappointed. Part of me thinks I would. I guess I just thought things would be different, more figured out. By the end of the movie, Britney has a record contract, a perfect boyfriend, and is well on the road to fame and riches. I really don't have anything that compares. I'm still waiting for that text to come through and the braces to come off and for the whole world to realize how wonderful and talented I am. Perfect? Not so much. I can't even find a stupid box.
Despite all of that, I am really, really happy with who I am right now. I learn new things everyday, and I am contstantly surprised with life. I have amazing friends. I don't know what the future holds, but I see where I'm going, and I like it. So maybe the smaller, blonder version of me would be disappointed. Too bad. But she wanted me to be Britney Spears, so she didn't have much foresight, anyway.
When the school year comes, time seems to be lost to homework, club meetings, after-school gossip, and maybe a few winks of sleep. But as much as you love summer, admit it: you're starting to get a teeny bit bored. You can only boy-watch at the mall and lay out by the pool so long. Well, it's time to get creative - really. Summer is the perfect time to do those fun projects you've been thinking about all year. So grab a friend & get going!
Make a Collage - My cousins and I did this last year. We took our old mags and made little posters for our lockers. It was fun picking out words and pictures to match each other, and it made me happy every time I went for my textbooks!
Start a Journal - I've said it before, but a journal is a really great thing to have. And when the school year is in full swing, you'll be happy to have it. Find a good notebook and decorate as you desire (plus - be sure to find a safe place to store it!).
Spa Day - No big deal if you don't have mega-bucks to spend at a salon. Look online for at-home recipes for face masks and scrubs. Grab some nail polish, your best girlies, and you're good to go!
Make a Memory Box - You've had an amazing summer, and you want to remember it. Get your fave photos, tickets, seashells, whatev and find a cute box to store them in. Better yet, make it a time capsule, and bury it to uncover someday in the future. (I'll tell ya about my time capsule adventure Friday!)
What Else? What have you been hoping to do that you haven't yet? See a certain movie? Clean your closet? Learn kickboxing? Get to it, girlfriend! You won't have any more time once summer's done. Believe me, Facebook will wait.
What awesome things have you been doing this summer, FGs? I'd love to hear! Leave a comment to let me know (see instructions on the side).
Okay, so I just need a minute to gush to you right now. Tonight, I am going to see the Jonas Brothers live! Exciting, right? I can't possibly wait. And even though this site is for girl talk, I think these Fab Guys have earned a moment of our attention. And not just because they're so cute.
The most amazing thing about the Jo Bros is how they've handled their success. In the last year they've gone from kinda somebodies to major celebrities. That, coupled with the train of screaming girls that follow them everywhere could certainly go to their pretty little heads. For so many young celebs, that's what happens. But with these guys, you can tell they're 100% genuine and down-to-earth. They adore their fans, they love what they do, and they're absolutely grateful for their success. That's the way it should be.
Since I know you FGs are going to be big stuff someday, promise me this: you will always do what you love and remember how blessed you truly are. There's no problem with you reaching for the stars, but always keep your feet on the ground. You want to be noticed for your amazing talents and heart, not for being a major diva. Enjoy every success, and share that joy with others.
I'll give you the scoop on the concert FGs, and any other big news. You Could be talking to Mrs. Fab Gal Jonas tomorrow... or not. We'll see what happens!
xoxo
The Fab Gal
PS - Have you seen their new video? Too awesome not to share!
So this week we talked about taking the good kind of risks. It can be a little scary, but if it's definitely worth it. If you don't know where to start, here is my Top 10 for new things to try:
1. Try a New Activity - Is there something you've wanted to try but have been too afraid to? That's what cheerleading was for me. It could be anything - karate, drama club, student council. You never know where the experience will bring you.
2. Wear Something Crazy - I used to feel funny about wearing dresses, even though I liked them. I just felt like they drew attention. But as long as it's appropriate, that's a good thing! Trying something a little out of the ordinary will help you develop your own style.
3. Branch Out - It's true - your girls are pretty awesome. But there's nothing wrong with expanding your circle, right? Talk to that new girl in class or invite a new teammate to go shopping. You might be surprised what you have in common.
4. Ask Out the Boy - This is probably the scariest of the scary, I know. But really, it's not that big of a deal. I mean, boys do it all the time. It can be really casual - you can even just invite him to hang out with your friends. Who knows? He could be too shy himself.
5. Get Help - It can be really hard for some. But there is absolutely nothing wrong with asking for it, every once in a while. You can't expect yourself to do everything all the time.
6. Break Your Routine - You do things the way you do because you like them. Still, it can be good to mix it up every once in a while. So maybe try that new restaurant that you've been curious about instead of the usual, or switch up your order at Starbucks. You might be surprised.
7. Spend Time with Family - Okay, so this doesn't sound too risky. Think for a minute, though, about that cousin or grandparent that you think you have nothing in common with, and make an effort to spend time getting to know them. You may be able to teach each other something new.
8. Take Center Stage - Fear of public speaking is probably the biggest of them all, but it's pretty silly if you think about it. You really can't die of stage fright. So give it a try, by trying out for the play or even joining the chorus.
9. Journal It - I used to hate journaling, because I didn't like facing my thoughts and putting them on paper. I know a lot of people feel this way. Once you get used to it, though, you'll find it can actually be a really great tool.
10. Face a Silly Fear - Is there something small you're afraid of, for no real reason? For some, it's spiders or rollercoasters. It might be good to take one of those fears, even if they're not a big deal, and face it. If you can do that, you can face any fear.
There you go, Fab Gals! Let me know what kind of good risks you've taken, either by comment or at The Fab Gal Myspace.
So I basically love words. I love to talk. To write. To listen. And to text (last month's bill would tell you I love it a little too much). And it's interesting, because even though we use them all the time, I think we forget what power they have. What we say, to ourselves and to others, is a big reflection of how we are feeling with ourselves.
It's mostly easy to talk nice with others. Mom and Pop raised us to be polite, so even when you want to give the mean girl the perfect comeback, you know to bite your tongue. But think about what you say to yourself in your head. Do you nag? Do you (silently) yell at yourself, or tell yourself you're not good enough? For most girls, the answer would be yes, at least sometimes. We would never talk to anyone else that way, so why is it okay to do it to ourselves?
I read an article in Self, about a woman who named that voice in her head Stan. Stan was a short, bald meanie who had nothing better to do than belittle her. It sounds a little nuts, but it helped her to separate that voice. Eventually she was able to talk back to Stan. It can be hard to confront ourselves, but you have to remember - those mean thoughts saying we're too fat or too dumb or too lazy are NOT facts. They are simply a reflection of how you are feeling right now.
I saw in this book, The Southern Guide to Flirting (don't ask), that you need to talk yourself up, because no one but your mother will do it for you. While I don't think you need to go around singing your praises to the world, it can be good to think about doing so to yourself. No one can say or do anything to make you feel good about yourself for long if you don't already.
I'm not saying you need to think of Stan or talk back to yourself, exactly (although i thought her plan was genious, if not a little crazy). But do think about your words, and what they mean. Why would you say that to yourself, if you wouldn't let anyone else talk to you that way? It might surprise you, Fab Gals, but just because you think those things, doesn't make them true. Maybe you deserve some compliments for a change. I know you are totally beautiful and smart and absolutely Fab, but you need to say it yourself.
It's so easy in life to just stick with what you know, and never step out of your comfort zone. I mean, if things are just fine as is, why change it up? Because you'll never grow if you never take risks. I feel like I'm always creating my own trouble, but it's a good thing, because I'm constantly learning and growing. If there's one thing I've learned over the last few years, it's that you'll never get anywhere by staying in place.
Of course, the thing with risks is this - there's a chance that things won't work out. I was always thought of as really shy, so when I wanted to try out for the cheer squad, people didn't take it seriously. When tryouts came, I stepped out of my element, went for it... and didn't make the squad. Last year, the school dance was fast approaching, and I was still 100% dateless. So I thought, why not go get one myself? I was so nervous when I dialed the number, of N, one of my guy friends, but I maintained a casual and cool tone... and he turned me down.
You might be thinking, Okay this girl is either a total blonde or really crazy if she hasn't figured it out yet. Both of those are at least a little true. But the amazing thing is this - good things came out of both situations. I didn't make the team on my first try, but I worked my booty off and made the squad the next year. Now I know I can do basically anything with a little hard work. I was dateless for the dance, but N had a lot of respect for me, and know I now what it's like to be in the boy's position.
It can be really hard to break out of your box, but it is so, so worth it. If I didn't learn to take risks, I wouldn't be talking to you today! So Fab Gals, is there a place in your life where you can take a good risk? How would you feel if you tried something new? Pretty Fab, I bet.
One of my fave guilty-pleasure shows is Sex & the City. On one of the episodes, Charlotte says the thing that no woman wants to admit: every girl is waiting to be rescued. Secretly (or not-so-secretly) we are waiting for Prince Charming to sweep us off our feet - the ultimate happy ending. I started to wonder, is this true? Is that the only way our fairytales end?
I'll admit it, I was obsessed with them when I was little. I knew every Disney princess movie by heart. But if you think about it, the girl is always the star, but the happily ever after always depends on the prince. If it weren't for him, Cinderella would still be sweeping, Snow White would still be poisoned, and Sleeping Beauty would still be... sleeping. I suppose Beauty & the Beast would be the one exception. We love this stories so much, but what is that saying? Girls are helpless. It's the chick's job to be sweet and pretty while the boys get to play hero.
Wouldn't it be great to see it the other way, with the princess sweeping the prince of his feet in the end? It's a thought. I'm still going to dream about my happily ever after. But maybe my modern fairytale will end a little differently. Because seriously, we Fab Gals are not damsels-in-distress, thankyouverymuch. Prince Charming will just have to deal.
I hate to tell you this, but... there is no top 10 this week. I feel really bad, but I have been traveling around a lot and it has just been an absolutely crazy week for me! I have definitely been thinking of you though. I promise, The Fab Gal is still going strong and there will be new posts (and an awesome top 10) starting Monday, as usual.
So you know I couldn't stop gushing about the book My Feet Aren't Ugly by Debra Beck. I want to tell you about another little exercise that I learned from the book. The instructions were plain and simple - make a list of the things you are afraid of. It's not something I think about that much. The first two were easy - worms and motorcycles. Silly, I know. But they are real enough to me. Then I started to think a little deeper - and realized I'm a bit of scaredy cat! I'm afraid of getting fat. I'm scared of being unattractive or unloved. And I'm scared I'll turn out to be a nobody. Maybe that's just me and I'm completely crazy. But I don't think so.
The funny thing is, what I'm afraid of is not really living a good life. Which is admirable enough. I love life, and I want to make the most of it. But by being afraid of these things, you hold yourself back. Having these fears doesn't stop anything from happening, and in fact, they can turn into something pretty ugly of their own. Eating disorders, for example, are based on fear - fear of gaining weight, fear of losing control. If you, like me, are too scared about being uncool or unpopular or whatever, then life won't really happen for you. And believe me, Fab Gals, life won't wait. Worrying does not slow down the process.
I probably won't ever get over my fear or worms or ride a motorcycle. That's okay with me. But slowly and surely, I'm going to release my fears - and for once, just live. I hope you don't let your fears hold you back either.
What things, big or small, are you afraid of? How has it affected you? Leave a comment to let me know (see the instructions on the left panel).
We all love to talk about them. Sometimes we wish we could be them. The "it" girls of Hollywood - Miley, Rihanna, Hayden, Vanessa - so big you can forget their last names. We're obsessed, and maybe it's not such a bad thing. They have it - and you want it. And believe me, Fab Gals, you've definitely got it. Here's how to release your inner It Girl:
Define your own style - Okay, so maybe they've got professional stylists and designer labels. Still, it doesn't seem to matter what they wear - they just look awesome! It's because they know what they like, and they wear it. Trendy doesn't stand out - defining your own style does.
Own the Room - When they walk in, they're seen. But not because they make a scene. They've got confidence, and they're secure in themselves. So walk tall and smile, because you rock!
Take the High Road - Sometimes, even the It Girls do something embarrassing. When that happens though, they don't lash out. They stay classy, and they learn from their mistakes, which makes all the difference.
R-E-S-P-E-C-T - For themselves and for others. No bashing other girls, for sure. They also have the self-respect to take care of themselves and keep on the right track. Not always easy, but it pays off in the end.
Work it! - What makes you different? What are you really good at? Use it! It girls know what their strengths are, and they rock what they've got! Showing off your skills will definitely make you stand out - in a good way.
You've got "it," Fab Gals, now it's time to go out there and use it! And keep me updated here or at fabgalsite@gmail.com.
One of my friends at MainStreet shared this video with me, so now I am sharing it with you! Check it out:
Pretty interesting, huh? I think as teens, we always feel a little overlooked. But actually, we have more extra spending money than any other age group. So as far as the marketing world is concerned, we are pretty darn important!
At the same time, I always feel funny about being the target of advertising. Of course some types of ads are completely offensive. I'm so over the super-skinny, barely-dressed girls selling everything from underwear to toothpaste. And some diet ads are pretty ridiculous (10 lbs. in 5 minutes? Doubtful.). On the other hand, if being an important target group means that they make the products we want, isn't marketing good?
What they say in the video is so true - we want to be trendy, but still maintain individuality. Personalized shoes. Customized soda. All made just for us. Hey, if they're falling at our feet to please us, why not?
So I think you just need to remember, Fab Gals, that you are being marketed to all the time. Everywhere you go. You certainly aren't going to buy it all, nor do you need to believe it all. But hey, if they want to make special stuff just for us? Yes please!
So I know we did quotes last week, but I can't help it. I have so many good ones, I decided to have the Top 10 be Quotes, Week 2. Let me know if you've got any good ones to share!
1. "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." - Eleanor Roosevelt, First Lady
2. "I have discovered that our deepest, most difficult lessons—as ugly as they are—make us learn something. I think something positive comes out of something negative always." – Drew Barrymore, actress
3. "Anywhere I see suffering, that is where I want to be, doing what I can.” – Diana, Princess of Wales
4. "To keep our faces towards change and behave like free spirits in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable." - Helen Keller
5. "There is nothing wrong with holding an opinion and holding it passionately.” – Condoleezza Rice, Secretary of State
6. "Life's what you make it, so let's make it rock!" - Hannah Montana
7. "When I didn’t get picked for a role, I’d tell myself it wasn’t meant to be and that the next one would be bigger and better. About a year later High School Musical came along, and I was like 'See?!? Bigger and better.'" – Vanessa Hudgens, actress
8. "There is usually one small step we can take in the direction of a dream. When we do, the universe often takes several more.” – Julia Cameron, writer
9. “Kind words can be short and easy to speak but their echoes are truly endless.” – Mother Teresa
10. "Mom tells me to celebrate everyone's uniqueness. I like the way that sounds." - Hilary Duff, singer
So there you go, totally Fab quotes, week 2! Got any good ones to share? Leave a comment to let me know!
I want to send a Happy 4th of July to all of my Fab Gals in the US (and everyone else, too!). What a great day! In honor of this totally Fab country, I want to talk to you about what you do that makes you independent.
No matter where you live, you should value the opportunities that women have been gaining over the past years. There are women breaking ground in every field - politics, science, fashion, entertainment, you name it. I hate to sound like a mom, but seriously! You have no idea what amazing things you can do now. For the first time ever, a woman was able to be a real contender in the race for president. No matter what party your from, that is an astounding accomplishment.
It's also important to remember, as an independant woman, that it's okay to do what you want to do. Sometimes even the people that want the best for you don't know what's best for you. Value your own independence, and follow your pursuit of happiness. I mean, the Declaration said so, right?
Anyways, where I was going is this - it's a marvelous time to be a Fab Gal, no matter where you live. So celebrate that today. I hope you have a totally Fab holiday, my little firecrackers!
Of course this site is for Fab Gals only, but let's face it: boys are a part of life. Can't live with them, can't live without them. And with the changing roles of women in the world, it seems like the dating rules are changing too. Every FG seems to have her own opinion, and I want to know yours. Here are the big questions these days:
Who asks out who? Does the boy have to do the asking, or is okay for girls to do it, too? Some think it's gutsy for a gal to ask the guy out for a change, but some say it's his job. When is it okay?
Who pays on the date? Some are traditional, and prefer the boy at least offer to pay. Others think the gal should have the right to at least pay her share. Personally, I think it depends who did the asking, but you should always be polite and offer up your half.
Is it okay to date more than one person? At my school, you usually are either in a relationship or not. Of course, once you are exclusive, dating around is cheating. But in the early stages, is it okay to be seeing a few different people?
When is it Facebook-official? You can't deny it - putting your relationship (or break-up) on Facebook or Myspace is a big deal. For some couples, that is the defining moment, because everyone will be talking. I give kudos to some chicas I know that decided not to put that on their profile at all. But when do you decide the relationship is Facebook-ready?
How much is too much? PDA (Public Displays of Affection) are a big no-no for some. But how much is okay? Where is the limit - holding hands, kissing on the cheek? You should have a limit somewhere. It may not bug you, but it may be weird for people around you!
So those are the biggies. It doesn't really matter if you follow the more traditional rules of dating or if you have a set of your own. It's important to stick with what you're comfortable with, but give the boys a break - they're still learning the game!
