"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." - Marilyn Monroe
So I was reading for my homework this weekend, and there was this article that talked about "integrity." Okay, so I know you probably don't want to talk about homework, I don't either. But I promise - this actually does fit with you.
You'll hear people use that word a lot - integrity - when they are talking about what kind of person someone is (and when they want to sound smart). As in, "Oprah is a woman of integrity." Integrity means that you a person with values, and you consistently act upon them. But another definition is "the state of being whole, entire, or undiminished." You are a whole person, a whole you.
So anyways, here is my point: being an FG isn't so much about about being right or knowing what the right thing to do is, but it's about action. It's not being perfect, but it's being the whole person that you are, and showing respect for yourself and others through what you do. It's standing up for your best friend even when she's not around. It's deciding not to cheat on the test, even if it means taking a bad grade. And it's being strong enough to not just go along with something just because everybody else is doing it.
This "integrity" stuff isn't that easy. Even when we know what's right in our hearts, it's not always easy to work up the courage to act on it. It can be especially hard to do when your choice isn't the popular one. But in the end, it's always better to go with what you know you need to do. People will understand, and if they don't, then that's a good sign they aren't worth your time. Life's what you make it, right? Be smart about your choices, and use that integrity - you deserve it. That's what I learned this weekend.
xoxo
The Fab Gal
“The most courageous act is still to think for yourself. Aloud.” – Coco Chanel
So this week I told you about some girls who were using "fat" talk right and left. So I decided maybe all we need is a little more body love. Here are some tips to get you there...
1. Exercise - Besides being good for you physically, exercise makes you feel good about your body. Find some time every week for it.
2. Eat Healthy - You don't have to eat nothing but broccoli and tofu, but your body deserves the best fuel. Take care of it by eating some more fruits and veggies.
3. Sleep - If you don't have sleep, you'll be less likely to feel good and less likely to take care of yourself. So try to sign off IM at a reasonable hour. Your body needs it!
4. Dress for You - Skinny jeans not for you? It's cool. Wear what you love and makes you feel good.
5. Surround Yourself - If you surround yourself with people who constantly diet or talk bad about their bodies, it's gonna rub off on you eventually. Surround yourself with positive FGs.
6. List it Out - Write down all of the things that you love about your body (and yourself). When you're down, bring out the list to remember how truly Fab you are.
7. Sweet Talk - It's good to be around positive people, but it's also important to be one yourself. When you hear that negative talk going in your head, try to turn it around. Tell yourself that you may not be perfect, but you are pretty darn great (You've got a list to prove it).
8. Stay Clean - I don't mean showering (although that's a good thing too). I mean staying clean of the things that make you feel bad about your body - drinking, smoking, dieting, or anything else that doesn't show your body the utmost respect. You don't need it.
9. Play - Find some time to do something fun - dancing, roller skating, basketball - that reminds you what great things you can do with your body.
10. Celebrate You! - You are awesome, whether you realize it or not. It's good to treat yourself every now and again.
So I opened this week's Time magazine, and there it was: "The Truth About Teen Girls." Uh-oh, I guess they figured us out. Another article about how we have gotten so bad, so sexy, so fast. We've all heard it - teen girls are all dressing hot and having sex and generally messing up.
Most people seem to agree - blame it on the media. Even the media blames it on the media. It's shows like Gossip Girl and The Hills and celebrities like Miley Cyrus and Jamie Lynn Spears - all over the place, making a bad influence, they say. It's everywhere, sure. But is it everything? I'm not convinced.
It's like this - there's a huge 4-page spread about what's happened to us bad girls, filled with references to and a picture of Miley's infamous Vogue shoot. But then, in a small corner of page 54, there's a different story, by Miley herself, about the importance of service. In fact, she's having her Sweet 16 birthday party at Disneyland with Youth Service America, which supports young volunteers. I had never heard about that. And that's exactly the point.
The media may be filled with naughty shows and celebrity gossip, but there is also so much time devoted to talking about how bad it is and how bad teens are now because of all this bad stuff. And on a smaller scale, what's up with Miley is what's up with the rest of teen girl America. Sure, we make mistakes. And maybe there are some girls who have gone just a little too far. But what about all the amazing things girls are doing now? I know plenty of talented girls, athletes and volunteers and smart cookies and good friends. What about that epidemic? That's not interesting enough, I guess. It's like a cycle - the media talks about all these bad girls and then that's all we focus on and then they talk about how that's all we talk about. It's kinda silly.
Anyways, I guess what you see isn't always what you get. I know how Fab you are, FGs. Keep shining - they'll get it someday.
The other day I gave you some examples of girls talking about being "fat." Chances are, you know someone who talks negatively about her food or her body - maybe all of your friends talk that way. While it may not seem serious, that kind of talk can sometimes be sign of future problems. It isn't good for them, and it isn't good for you, either. All that negativity can really damage your self image. Here are some ways to change the language...
Ignore the Negativity - When a friend starts the "fat" talk, don't make it worse. While you might think it would make her feel better to disagree with her or to tell her about your "fatness," that just drags out the negativity. Try to breeze by, if you can.
Be Open - While you don't want to encourage her to talk that way, it's also important to be sensitive. She may be feeling sensitive about her body, or about another issue. If a friend starts to criticize herself, ask her if something else is bothering her.
Change the Talk - If you and your friends often go into a body-loathing session after ordering pizza or going out for ice cream, try to steer away from that. It may seem like you're bonding, but do you really want to bond over how fat you feel? Talk about how much you enjoy getting to be with each other, not how many calories you ate.
Share the Love - We spend so much time criticizing ourselves that we often get consumed by it. Remind your friends how awesome they are. Sometimes a genuine compliment can make all the difference for someone.
Lead by Example - It's alright if everyone around you seems to talk "fat" all the time. But you don't have to. Be an example of someone who loves their body. Sometimes actions speak a lot louder than words.
Hopefully that helps, FGs. You are too beautiful and fabulous to spend your time body-hating! But if you ever need a reminder, I can always be reached here, by e-mail at fabgalsite@gmail.com, or at The Fab Gal Myspace.
So I heard two interesting conversations last week. The first went something like this...
I was at an ice cream party, and the girl who was in line next to me said, "I'm such a fatty. I had dessert for lunch and now I'm having ice cream. But I don't care, I want ice cream. I know I'm already a fatty."
The second exchange was like this...
Two girls came into the snack shop and one said she didn't want to get anything. The other said, "Oh, I need to eat. I'm fat." "Well did you eat dinner yet?" "No." "See? Then you're not fat."
I thought it was the weirdest thing. Of course, none of the girls were really trying to be serious. But that's kinda the point. It's like that's what you're supposed to say. If you are with girls and you're eating, it's supposed to be bad, and you apologize. And then your friends are supposed to compliment you and tell you it's not true. Does that really make anybody feel better?
I'm not trying to criticize those girls. It's a pretty common habit, and I'm sure I've done it before without even realizing it. But sometimes our attitudes about food, especially when we're with other girls, are so messed up. It's like we bond over being "fat" and comforting each other. Really though, we should be able to eat, even ice cream, without feeling bad and apologizing about it. And we should be able to have friendships without hating our bodies.
I encourage you to be more aware of how you talk with your friends about food and your body. Recognize where and when you hear yourself saying these things. And maybe try to stop. Because you and your friends can enjoy food and feel good about yourself when you're together, without all of the "fat" talk.
As much as I love to shop, there are only so many times that me and my girlfriends can go to the mall. And there are only so many movies in the theater. So if you and your friends are tired of the same old things, read on. This week's Top 10 is fun things that you can do with your BFFs, or new Fs, or whoever!
1. Camping - I just went yesterday for the first time ever! Even if you aren't a nature girl, there is something magic about lying outside under the stars. Plus, think of all the games you can play when it gets dark! Just make sure you find a safe campsite (or use your backyard).
2. Make a Movie - If you've got a video camera, put it to good use! You can make a TV show, or a music video, or just be silly Miley and Mandy style. Get creative!
3. Ice Skating - You've probably been roller skating a million times. But how about ice skating? It's even more fun. Hot Chocolate is necessary.
4. Try a New Restaurant - You never know what might become the favorite for you and your girls. If there's nowhere new, at least try a new flavor of ice cream or pizza toppings and your usual place.
5. Learn to Dance - You can bust a move to your fave songs on the radio. But what about ballroom dancing? Swing dancing? Hip hop? Find a class and get on your dancing shoes.
6. Photo Shoot - It's pretty silly, but me and my cousins love to dress up and take pictures. We always end up with some new things to put on Facebook, as well as a lot of laughs!
7. Work it Out - It's hard to find time (and motivation) to fit exercise into your schedule. But if you do it with your friends, it's so easy! Try yoga, jogging, kickboxing, or whatever you enjoy.
8. TV Marathon - Sometimes it feels good to just chill out. But instead of watching the same old shows, rent a DVD of something you've never watched before (Friends? Gilmore Girls? I Love Lucy?). You'll have something to share that not everybody has seen.
9. Road Trip - This one takes a little extra time and planning. If you see a good concert or event coming up in a city nearby, see if you can work out (maybe as an early birthday present!) for your parents to take you and a few friends. It'll be worth the memories!
10. Share the love - How often do you tell your friends how much you appreciate them? Write them a card, or make a special day to celebrate what you share. It will make all of you feel great.
So I'm sure that you have been keeping up with the whole Nick Jonas/Selena Gomez story (Are they together? Are they just friends? What about Miley?). It's big stuff. But there's been something else going on in the news, and it's pretty major, too: the 2008 presidential election.
I'll admit it, I have never paid much attention until recently. I just always thought politics was kinda boring. But now is the time to start watching. There's some silly stuff, definitely. Stuff about Paris Hilton and pigs wearing lipstick. But when you get past all that, think about how amazing this is. It's a time of change, no matter which way you go. We've had the same prez for the last 8 years, which is a big part of our lives, really. Even if you don't support them, the fact that we had a serious female candidate and could possibly have an African American president shows how far we've come as a nation. That's a good thing for everybody.
I know what some of you might be thinking - Um, hello? I can't vote. Why should I care? But of course you should! This is the next 4 years of your life, too. And someday, you will get your chance, so it's god to know where you stand on different things. Plus, history is being made here! You don't want to miss it. Maybe it will give you some ideas for your campaign someday...
xoxo
The Fab Gal
P.S. - These are some great links for Fab Gal-friendly election info!
Like we talked about, there are so many choices a Fab Gal has to make everyday. Friends, activities, shoes... too much to think about. It can mess with your head sometimes. But don't stress. Here are some tips for when life requires a little more than "eenie-meenie-miney-moe."
Pros and Cons - It is always a good place to start. What's good about one choice? What about the other? What will you miss out on if you go this way? Making a list can help you start organizing your thoughts.
Talk it Out - Of course, your opinion is the one that matters most. But sometimes, it can be nice to have someone to talk things over with, be it a mom, brother, or friend. Sometimes just saying things out loud can make everything clear, and they may have some good points. But remember - you need to listen to your heart in the end.
Respect Yourself - You should never make a decision based on how you will seem to someone else. But you should consider the impression that you will make on yourself. If you know that making a choice will make you feel bad or won't match you and your beliefs, then there is no choice. It can be hard, but you always need to respect who you are.
Listen to your Gut - What feels like the right decision? Sometimes our intuition is trying to guide us in the right direction, we just don't always listen. If you have a good or bad feeling you can't explain, go with it. It's probably right.
Don't Worry - You are totally Fab, but you are not perfect. Sometimes we make mistakes. Things don't always turn out how we expect. That's okay. You've got a lot of life and a lot of choices ahead of you, so just learn from this one and move on.
Have you had to make any difficult decisions lately? What helped you get through them? Leave a comment to let your FGs know!
Do you ever realize how many decisions we have to make in a day? I was trying to start a count. The alarm goes off, Do I really have to get out of bed? Open up the dresser, light jeans or dark jeans? Which sweatshirt? Sneakers or flats? Okay, so now you're dressed. But the day has hardly begun...
I read an article recently, about how we are given too many choices and how much better life would be if we didn't have them. That seems like a really silly thing to complain about. Too many choices? That's like complaining about having too many shoes, or too much ice cream.
Admittedly, I really don't like making decisions. I am pretty indecisive, weighing the issues back and forth. If it's just picking a movie with friends, I'll let them decide. Lately, though, it's seemed like there are bigger decisions than strawberry or vanilla. That's when I really do think that there are too many choices.
Unfortunately, when life brings you to those crossroads, there really isn't an easy way out. Realistically, making no decision or letting someone decide for you is nowhere near as good as just picking for yourself, one way or another. It can get really frustrating. But you have to keep it in perspective; while things may seem bad now, in the long run it's definitely not the end of the world. Whether your decision turns out to be the "right" one or the "wrong" one, things will work themselves out in the end. Besides, having multiple choices means that you have multiple opportunities. All you can do is take your best shot and go for it! I'll be cheering for you.
What makes you happy? For a lot of us, happiness means different things. Just look at the FG poll this week. For some, it's school, or family, or overcoming a goal. We all have those things that make us happy.
Often, we don't let ourselves enjoy our lives as much as we should. Happiness can be really simple. We always have somewhere to go, something to get done. It's a good thing to be productive. But sometimes we move too fast and push ourselves too hard to just enjoy the process.
This is the real problem, I think: we often put conditions, or rules, on our happiness. I do it too. How often have you said to yourself, I'll be happy when I lose weight, or I'd be happy if I was more popular. Goals are great, for sure. But what little things will you miss if you're waiting? Why is that one thing worth your happiness?
The tricky part is, sometimes we're really bad at guessing what will make us happy. I could lose 10 pounds, am I happy now? I can be surrounded by so many people, but are they really friends? We think we are going to make ourselves happy that way. Being beautiful, going to parties, living a glamorous life - that's supposed to be happiness.
Happiness is not so much about doing as it is about being. We're happy when we can be ourselves and be okay with that. Don't get me wrong - I love to try new things and have crazy adventures. But sometimes, it makes me really happy to lay around in my pjs and watch Disney Channel with my kitty. Because that's just me being me. And it's okay for you to be you, FG. And you should definitely be happy with that.
Now that fall is here and school is back in full swing, it can be really hard to get out of bed some mornings. I don't hate school, but wouldn't it be nice sometimes to just sleep in, and not have to worry about tests and homework and everything else that goes on during the day? Well, here are some ways to make even those dreary days a little better...
Greet the Day - Most days you probably grumble when you hear your alarm going off (I know I do). But next time, try to think, "Hello day, here I am!" It sounds silly, but starting off with the right attitude can make all the difference. Remember, it's a new day with new opportunities.
Treat Yourself Right - I always say this, but it is so important that you take care of your body and your spirit. Make some room for healthy foods and exercise, and also schedule in some time to just kick back and relax. You definitely deserve it.
Stay Connected - Finding time for the people that matter most to me always makes my day better. My best friend goes to a different school than me, but we find time during the day to talk or send each other texts between class. Find time in your day for the people who make you feel good.
Remember the Positives - Even when it seems like you are just going to have the most boring day ever, there has to be something good about it. Are you having lunch with your friends? Is your favorite show on tonight? Remembering those things before your day even begins reminds you that every day has at least a little positive in it.
Have a Goal - On the days when life really just doesn't go your way, it is good to remember what you are working toward in the long run. For me, it's you FGS, and working on this site and other projects to help you all. I know that's what I am supposed to be doing, and it's the reason that I do the things that I do. What are you looking forward to? Remembering those things will remind you that one bad day isn't so bad after all.
What makes you have a good day, FG? What are the positives in your life? Let me know here, or by e-mail at fabgalsite@gmail.com, or by Myspace at The Fab Gal Myspace.
Okay, so we are going to try something today. First, think about what's bugging you most right now. Anything that's really frustrating - a friend problem, boy drama, school, whatever. Think about why it is, but also think about how. Have you been thinking about it a lot? Stressing so much you can't sleep? It's okay to be really angry/sad/frustrated for a minute.
Now, reality check. If your biggest worry is something revolving around drama with school or friends, then your life is actually....pretty great. Really, think about it. Sure, right now it might seem like it sucks. But consider this - what is the worse thing that will happen if that one thing doesn't work out? If you think about it, you might not even remember a year from now. And if you do, things probably won't seem as bad as they do this minute.
Sometimes life seems like too much when we focus on the negatives. It's so easy to do because the bad things are the things that need to be "fixed." We lose sight of what's actually good. Really, most of our everyday issues are temporary. They don't need so much of our attention, because things will work themselves out, eventually. You don't need to try and fix everything right now. Even more difficult stuff doesn't last forever. None of it is worth missing the good stuff for.
For today, Fab Gal, I encourage you (and myself!) to not stress so much. Don't give the bad stuff your whole focus. Appreciate all the little things that are really great, whether or not that one problem works out or not. Leave room to be pleasantly surprised, because you just never know when something good will come your way. And you certainly don't want to miss it...
So, to finish out our friends week, I thought it would be cool to count down the top ten FG famous best friends. These are just some of my faves...
1. Demi Lovato & Selena Gomez - Cutest story ever! These two Disney girls have been BFFs since their days on Barney. Soon, they'll be starring in the movie Princess Protection Program together.
2. Carmen, Tibby, Lena, & Bridget - In the book or in the movie, these Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants girls make quite a crew. It's amazing that four totally different girls can share one pair of pants.
3. Miley & Lily - The girls of Hannah Montana get to live the rock star life together and have some crazy adventures as regular best friends. The best of both worlds!
4. Serena & Blair - Probably not the best example, but we love these Gossip Girl on-and-off friends as much as they love each other (most of the time).
5. The Cheetah Girls - In real life and on-screen, these girls are as loyal as they are fierce. So cheetah-licious!
6. Miley & Mandy - Miley's name is already on the list, but this time it's with her real-life BFF, Many. Have you seen the "Miley and Mandy Show" on YouTube? Check it out!
7. Drake & Josh - So, they are boys, and they can be a little...weird. But you've got to love this hilarious duo!
8. Raven & Chelsea - Before all the rest, these two That's So Raven stars were known for getting in crazy situations and wearing wacky disguises. They always had each other's back!
9. Alex & Harper - The girls of Wizards of Waverly Place are be totally different - Harper is the goofy gal, and Alex is a tough chick. But they always share the Funky Hat song!
10. You and your BFF! - Okay, maybe not famous yet. But who knows? I bet we'll be seeing your names someday...
So this week we've talked about friends and what makes a best friend. I think the coolest thing is that you can have a variety of friends for different reasons. Here are some of the best friends I think a FG can have...
Supportive Sister - Some of you have said that your BFF is the best because she is loyal, and she is always there for you when you need her. She is the girl who lets you cry on her shoulder, who will always listen, whether it's boy drama or school issues. She's your biggest cheerleader in everything you do.
Funny Friend - No matter what, she knows how to make you laugh. When you are down, she makes you forget you were in a bad mood. And you two have craziest adventures ever. It's like you never grew up. . . in a good way.
Busy Bud - This girl is always going somewhere, doing something. She seems to know people everywhere. It might make you feel like you can't keep up, but don't. The awesome thing about her is she can always show you something to do and help you meet new people. She helps you expand your circle.
The Twin - Most of us don't really have a twin (although I wish I did!). But it can be so fun to have someone who seems to love the same things as you - same clothes, same music, same TV shows. That way, you'll always have someone to watch the new episode of Hannah Montana or go to the Taylor Swift concert with you.
Family Friend - Maybe your family is so crazy sometimes, you hope you aren't actually related to them. But it's cool if you can find someone - an aunt, a cousin, a brother - who you can talk to the way you'd talk to a friend. You know for sure that they'll always be there for you when you need to talk, and it can be nice to get an outside opinion. You might be surprised how not-crazy their advice is.
So that barely scratches the surface - there are so many fabulous kinds of friends you can have. Think about yours - what makes them so special? What kind of friend are you, FG?
Do you ever have really high expectations for how things will go? It can be such a let down - like when you've been anticipating your birthday party for weeks, imagining every detail of your perfect day. There is no way it can possibly match what you've dreamed up. Then the big day comes, and you're disappointed. Maybe things don't turn out bad, but they certainly didn't match what you hoped for.
Sometimes, I wish my life was more like a TV show. Then, even when bad things happened, I would kinda know what was coming, and it would all neatly wrap up in the end. Real life is a little more. . . complicated. With everything you do, there are a million ways that things can turn out. Some are good, some are bad, and some are just different then you'd expect. So the chances of things happening the way you expect? Like a million to one. The universe doesn't really play in your favor.
I have been disappointed, surprised, and thrown through quite a few loops before. And what it's made me realize is that maybe it's best to just take life as it comes. Sure, life is what you make it out to be, but it's also how you take what you are given, because you can't know what's coming for sure. It's good to have some sense of direction, to know where you want to go. But maybe, it's okay to just be where you are, right now.
There's so much - school, friends, family, boys, whatever. If you try to control it all, you'll be disappointed, because you just can't do that. And you might miss out on some great surprises if you are too focused on perfection. So just be you, and take life as it comes. No expectations, no reservations. Don't be worried or scared for what's coming - you'll be ready when it gets here. Promise.
Miley has Lily. Selena has Demi. The Cheetahs have each other. You know who they are - your best friends. It's funny, because we all love to talk about boys, but our BFFs are the real rock stars. I guess maybe it's because we know that no matter what we do, no matter what we say, they will always be there in the end.
What makes somebody a best friend? No pair is exactly the same, but I think they all have some things in common. To me, it's like this quote I read, that said a BFF is the one who is there when she'd rather be anywhere else. That's the most important thing, knowing you have someone who will stick around when you fall. That, and the feeling that you are somehow always on the same level, and you understand things about her that nobody else would. BFF means hearing her special ringtone on your phone and already knowing why she's calling. It's tagging along on a boy chase because you know she would do it for you. It's laughing over the stupidest jokes that nobody but you two would get, and having a heck of a time even though you're just messing around on Facebook in your pjs.
The cool thing is, it's okay to have more than one BFF. You can have different friends from different places for different reasons. No need to be exclusive. Just make sure you give - your respect, your encouragement, your shoulder to cry on, and maybe some cookie dough ice cream when things get really bad. And know that any one of your FGs would do the same for you. Celebrate the things that make the two of you so fabulous.
Tell me about your best friend(s), Fab Gal. What makes them so special? What are some of the silly things you do together? What have you done to be there for each other? I want to hear about it all. Leave a comment to let me know!
